I really don’t have much to write about but I thought I’d come and write anyway.

Things are going well. I feel a lot better than I was; I don’t have a cold anymore or other ailments bugging me.

I’ve been doing a lot of coloring. I’ll share the pages I’ve colored with you.

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All of these color book pages are from the Mermaids, Fairies, and Other Whimsy Girls coloring book by Hannah Lynn. My sister, Krystal, has bought this book too so we’ve been having coloring competitions. Kinda. Well, not really a competition. We’ve both just been coloring. I’m a much quicker colorer than her though so I go through pages a lot faster. I did all four of the above in the past week. I was told by my friend to “STOP – you’re gonna color the whole book!”  What fun has it been, though? I’m really proud of the pages that I’ve done so far because I’ve applied some of the shading knowledge I have from when I pixeled to my coloring.

One more overshare post and I’ll be done, maybe. I’m supposed to have my period this week, or as I call it “I’m supposed to be broken”. I took out NuvaRing and nothing. It’s FREAKING ME THE FUCK OUT! I’m 90% sure I’m not pregnant and that because I had breakthrough bleeding the past two-three weeks while being on NuvaRing and having just got Mirena out, I more than likely won’t get a period but still! When things don’t work like they’re supposed to. Plus the fact that I’m deathly afraid of getting pregnant again doesn’t help either. Ugh! I’m not puking so I’m not freaking out as much as I could have been. I’m OK. It will be OK! Just keep telling yourself that, Nik.

Moving on… I am supposed to be cleaning right now. Today is my “NO BEING LAZY” day. Well, it’s supposed to be, I haven’t quite begun that yet. I managed to take a shower. I’m absolutely horrible with self-care and making sure I’m taking care of myself and my body. I just simply don’t care about myself. Well, I cannot say that entirely. I do care enough to do things like go to the doctor, take my medication as directed, and get dressed every single day. The last one is strict because I live next door to Mike’s parents, otherwise it would be pajamas every single day like it was when I lived at the old house, only changing into sweats when I left to go to the store. I’m lucky to shower twice a week. I hate admitting that to anyone, but it’s something I’m working on. Taking time for myself when I need it when the boys have given me a hard time is one of the things I’m doing to try to help myself out. Forcing myself to shower more than 2-3 times a week is another one. It’s really hard to teach self-care to children when you don’t have it yourself. One of my many struggles I am working on. It’s one of those things I need to put in my head that I have to just do. I’m really good at forcing myself to just do something even though I really don’t want to.  I’m good at faking things too, not sexually, I mean like faking a smile when you really want to cry.

Eh, I’m rambling and I have things that need to get done. I’m going to turn up my music on the TV and just crank it out – Just get it done right. Just do it. I should be a Nike spokeswoman, except my motto would be “Get your ass up and just FUCKING do it.”   Ok. I’ll write again soon. Promise.

written on at 9:43 am || Filed under: Anxiety, Coloring, Home/Cooking

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