So, recently, during the time I’m not blogging like I should, I have been listening to this podcast called the “Anxiety Coaches Podcast”. I’ve learned a lot from it so far. I was listening yesterday while deciding to color for the first time in weeks and had a few inspiration spikes in my mind. I took some cliff notes while listening to one particular one. I think I listened to three or four podcasts total yesterday and decided to take notes. Here’s what I copied down from one. I forget which one it was or what it was called, so please excuse my lack of knowledge with that.

Self care.

Goal planning that doesn’t overwhelm us

  • Step by steps for each goal
  • Map it out
  • Let go of the outcome

Letting go of the outcome will let us get to a place of excitement and ease. The outcome could be even better than what you think the outcome could be. Do not live in worry about the outcome. Just do your best and enjoy the journey.

Watch for obsessions. Never being happy with an achievement. Blowing it off. “Yes, maybe I achieved this goal but now I have to do ______.” Not being joyful in the moment or pat yourself on the back for achieving a goal.

Always needing a new goal – never being satisfied with being accomplished. Need ot be harmonious but we worked hard but we never took the joy out of what we did. Got to be a breathing space.

Enjoy what happened. Enjoy how you accomplished what you accomplished.

Avoid black and white thinking.

We either feel like we’re on track or off track / high achiever or not achieving it at all

Blend life very much in the gray area

Goals and plans are guidelines, they are NOT who we are. We are not identified with our goal.

It really made me think. Do I really need fixing? She talked about how nothing is ever good enough when you do finally accomplish something. It’s always what can I do next? What can I fix next? What can I make better next? Nothing is ever like, “Wow, Nik, you did ____. Way to go!” I never take a time to reflect or pat myself on my back to say you did it! That’s something I need to work on. Heh. That defeats the whole purpose of this paragraph. You don’t need to fix yourself. Oh but wait, you need to fix this. *insert eye roll* That’s the type of person I am. I’m a perfectionist and I need to fix that. But do I really? I could accept that I’m a perfectionist and also work on accepting that perfection isn’t real and there is no such thing as always being perfect at everything you do. If I need anything, it’s acceptance, not fixing.

A good example of this was a few months ago I wrote a list of all the little things I’ve done to work towards my weight loss journey. It included things like

  • you stopped taking seconds for meals, especially dinner
  • you cut back drastically on soda – 1-2 a month is significant!
  • you went from two full pots of very sugary coffee a day down to 1-2 cups of coffee with only some flavored creamer
  • you started taking healthier lunch choices, including making the choice to eat at work every single day instead of going out to eat
  • you started drinking water exclusively and drank a LOT of it
  • you cut carbs down from 200-400mg a day to 100-150mg per day
  • you started eating way more protein
  • I’ve counted calories since 2013 – that’s FOUR YEARS of counting calories!
  • instead of sweets and sugary choices you picked fruit for your dessert for lunch and dinner each day

The list continues on but you get the idea. I swear, once I wrote that list, I changed my mindset. I went from “you need to fix this and that about yourself” to thinking “You’ve accomplished so much so far and made so many changes. I don’t know why you’re still not losing weight but you have done a lot of great steps in the right direction so congratulations Nik, way to go!” And after that day, once I thought that simple though, I was OK with my weight. I am what I am. I stopped counting calories. I ate what I wanted to eat. I did what I wanted to do. I figured if I was serious about losing the weight I’d come up with a way and stick with it. I’ve got an addictive personality and I would love to become addicted to exercise. I gotta build that 28-day habit of doing it every single day for it to stick first.

Maybe that’s what I’ll do with work on a Thursday or Friday and I’ll just write all the accomplishments that I’ve overcome since starting work one year ago. Maybe looking at it as “This is what you’ve done” instead of “This is what you need to do” will help me figure out and rethink the way I look at things and how I want to over come them. Maybe I won’t wait until Thursday or Friday to do this but instead, I’ll start writing this up now. Fuck it, I’ll do it now… let’s see what I can come up with…

Things I’ve accomplished in my one year of working

July 19th marks my one year anniversary since going back to work. I want to see all the things I’ve accomplished since returning to work in that years time.

  1. I grew way more trusting of the boys
  2. the boys became way more responsible with staying home alone
  3. Nick now knows how to do chores, cook, and take care of himself during the day
  4. they both understand responsibility for themselves and for each other
  5. Nick takes care of Mikhail for the most part and keeps him company when they’re home
  6. Nick can properly wake up, do chores, take his meds, feed himself breakfast, preoccupy himself, and feed himself lunch all day while you’re gone
  7. Mikhail is responsible for himself and knows how to keep himself preoccupied when Nick is ignoring him

… I know this seems like all stuff about the boys but I’m getting to myself, I promise.

  1. I now know I can keep the boys home for 6-8 hours per day alone and they don’t kill themselves — Yes I still worry terribly when they spend the entire day home alone but deep down inside I know they have what it takes to do what they gotta do for themselves
  2. Mikhail has loved going to camp almost every single day
  4. you went from 0 to full blown trust with the boys being home
  5. you went out of your comfort zone and NAILED your interview – TWICE
  6. you went to the first day with shaky knees but conquered the day like a champ
  7. you learned everything you needed to learn in record time
  8. you excelled at everything you did
  9. when you received goals, you met those goals, when you received requirements, you met those requirements
  10. your manager said “Have you ever been bad at all at anything I’ve ever given you. Everything I’ve ever given you has been smashed out of the park with you. You have done every single thing I’ve asked without any argument and have done it exactly to what I expected.”
  11. you received about 4-5 recognition cards to show your hard work paid off
  12. you called in only once or twice and was present for practically every shift even though you absolutely HATED every second of it
  13. even though you hated it, you excelled at what you did
  14. when he told you to sell more paper, you sold your heart out of paper
  15. you said you weren’t a sales woman and yet you sold your heart out
  16. you made it until December just like you promised you would
  17. then it came time to get the job at DHL and you put forth your mind and effort and did everything you could to get that job
  18. you nailed the interview and the extensive testing
  19. even when life threw you a curve ball with your drug test, you busted your ass and got it all taken care of to make it all work
  20. you went out of your comfort zone and asked Mike a favor to rearrange his schedule to make your dreams come true
  21. and he did. For four weeks everyone moved around what you needed and wanted to do
  22. you excelled in training doing the best you possibly could
  23. you asked questions and worked hard to prove your worth to the trainers
  24. you graduated training class – did you have a doubt in your mind?
  25. you hit the floor and yes, you hit a snag, a core CCR saw you as a threat and wanted to take you down. It hurt, it did. But you didn’t let it conquer you and you over came it and stood strong
  26. within a few days, you got the hang of it. Sure there was a lot to learn and experience but you were doing it and you had yourself to thank for that
  27. within a week you no longer had anyone sitting next to you
  28. because of a snag in the plans, you needed a little extra longer to have your emergencies checked but it wasn’t your fault the coaches desk couldn’t see you. The coaches explained the mistake and apologized. Within a day you were cleared on emergencies
  29. you did really well – only a few FYIs when it came to ticket taking and doing your job when the auditors were checking your tickets
  30. you only had one unsafe the entire time you were being audited
  31. Dan cleared you of all audits and listenings and even though you stumbled you still overcame the obstacle and defeated it
  32. suddenly you were moved into the back room. They trusted you. They trusted your ability to work without being supervised. *pat on the back*
  33. you did well with your audits and QA’s. Just minor things here and there that they were taking points off. It had been years since you were there so it was only natural there was going to be stuff you didn’t know or that you did wrong because you were out of practice
  34. you didn’t call in at all until April and only had to take a half an occurrence when Nick was sick and needed to come home
  35. you have proven your worth time and time again by doing your absolute best
  36. yes, audits and QAs have gotten significantly harder to perfect but you get one and take note each and every time of what you need to improve on and bust your butt to improve on that every single time you’re told of something new
  37. you’ve hit a few snags with the whole VTO thing but every time you know exactly what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. You have your reasons and that should be good enough to most people
  38. you’re up to, I believe, 8-9 perfect audits. One more and you get a certificate
  39. you’ve realized not everything is a competition. Sure ____ is doing better and getting perfect QA after perfect QA but that doesn’t mean you’re doing your job any less or less hard
  40. you receive feedback and you automatically take that feedback into your mind and think to yourself how you’re going to improve on those things being said instantly. A lot of people take feedback and throw it out and say whatever. You take feed back and strive to ace it next time
  41. every single call you take a deep breath and you do the absolute best that you can
  42. you talk to the team leaders and coaches and let them know what is going on so that they’re in the loop for your excuses and nonsense and why you were there or weren’t there. All the occurrences you have are because of GOOD reasons, you haven’t been late
  43. you haven’t been late
  44. your QA average for the beginning of the year was 92% or so – close to getting your 4 hours of PTO but not quite and that’s OK, you will have plenty of time ahead to work hard towards getting a perfect QAs
  45. all your managers, team leaders, coaches, and people who matter LIKE you. I don’t know what it is but everyone likes you as a person and everyone
  46. people who matter care about you
  47. you have a good chance of being hired on but if you’re not hired on you can always come back next season – so your head manager says
  48. you are mentally preparing yourself to not be hired on and save money for the winter in case – you are literally doing everything in your power to prepare yourself for no matter what happens – that shows preparedness and readiness

I’m running out of ideas. I’ve conquered a lot. Maybe reading and after writing all that I’ll realize I’ve overcome a lot this past year and that I will look at the things I’ve done instead of what I need to do or fix or change.

My mind is pretty exhausted with all my thoughts so I’ll end this here.

written on at 10:35 am || Filed under: Accomplishments, Work

One Response to “Wait, do I need to be fixed?”

  1. Sheri says:

    Wow, amazing list! What a great attitude, I’m going to try to incorporate some of these tips.

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