Time to be open: Bipolar
Back in May 2009, I wrote this on my Facebook page and posted it publicly for all those who are closet to me see… I got a few messages saying they’re there for me. To count them specifically; I got four. For those of you who were unaware. I use my Facebook page strictly for my close friends and family; I also sugar coat majority of what I say, and leave 90% of the truth out. I use my website and twitter to openly express all of there is to “Nikkole” as a person, mom, survivor of bipolar, etc.
It really saddens me to know that I can’t be my true self in front of those who mean the most to me; but I can be absolutely open, public, and honest to complete strangers. Anyways, below is what I had written for my friends and family to read. I thought I’d share it here.
I decided to post this because it has tips on how to explain bipolar to your loved ones… Well, I don’t know any other way to go about doing this… so here ya go. I want to educate you all with some of the basics of what I am struggling with on a daily basis. (Source: http://bipolar.about.com)
How do you explain your, or a loved one’s, condition to others? Here are a few sentences to help you organize your thoughts. Choose the most appropriate explanations and modify as needed.
Here’s How:
1. Stripped down to basics, people with bipolar disorder have mood swings, from elation to depression, that don’t necessarily have anything to do with what’s going on in their lives. To me, its basic uncontrollable changes in your moods.
2. Bipolar disorder is also called manic depression, and it appears to be caused by electrochemical abnormalities in the brain. Which I was diagnosed with when I was… 14-15. Again when I was 19-20.
3. TV shows like to show people with bipolar disorder as criminals, but don’t worry — only a small percentage are ever violent, and I’m not one of them! I tend to not be violent. I have a semi-medium grasp of control on this.
4. “Mania” and “manic” don’t mean “crazy” — they refer to extra high emotions, full of energy, fast talking, not needing much sleep, [add appropriate symptoms for yourself]. Ever notice this about me? I’ll go from bam bam bam non-stop talking just can’t slow down. Then another week, I’ll be really quiet and not say very much. My other symptoms of mania include irritability, restlessness, and “OCD” about things… If I feel as though the couch needs to be fixed right tihs second, it needs to be fixed. Also, I will not be able to go to sleep until I feel as though every single thing in my personal list is complete.
5. I am a rapid cycler — that means I can be ultra-excited one day and deeply depressed the next, for no obvious reason. [Modify this to fit the person's cycle pattern.] This is definitely me. I have absolutely no control of how this reacts, also I don’t know what the next day holds.
6. I get into what are called “mixed states” when I seem to have a lot of energy but at the same time am really down, angry or panicky. When I get like this; I’m scared. I don’t know what way I’m going to act in the next five minutes.
7. There are a lot of possible medications for bipolar disorder. My doctor has started me out on _____, but if that doesn’t work, we’ll just try something else. This doesn’t apply to me… I am unable to see a doctor right now because I don’t want to have to go to the doctor once every single week, if not twice or more to get all this taken care of. I don’t drive and its my burden to bare, not others.
8. When I’m manic, I have particular problems with [choose symptoms like: spending too much money, talking too much, not making a lot of sense]. My problems include high irritability; Talking too much; Not making any sense in what comes outta my mouth. Saying stuff I might not mean…
9. Inappropriate anger can be a symptom of bipolar disorder. I might say or have said hurtful things that I really don’t mean — I’m sorry! Finding the right medication should help control that behavior. Yea… what that says. I do this often, and I’m sorry.
10. When I get depressed or into a mixed state, I sometimes feel suicidal. That’s my illness talking — but it’s serious. You might have to get me to a hospital if I seem really bad. I try really hard not to get this far… taht’s why I’ve been doing my best to talk to others regarding this. Most of the time, I don’t see how I’m acting.
11. Bipolar disorder seems to be inherited but the exact cause is not known yet.
…. I keep saying I’m having a major problem with bipolar. Most people don’t believe I have it because I put on such a brave face/smile and get through the day. I have been going through the worst, biggest, and hardest episode of mania lately. Probably the worst I’ve ever experienced in my life. I’m trying really hard to cope. I’m trying really hard to just deal with it. I just really want my loved ones and family, and friends to understand what I”m talking about when I go off or get pissed off, or get sad, or get depressed. I wish I had control over this. Unfortunately I don’t.
It is really REALLY hard for me to talk about this as openly as I just did. Its one of my biggest flaws… and how would you feel going about discussing your flaws to others. I did this to get it off my chest and out of my mind… Thank you for listening.
<3 Nikkole
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Bipolar Blogs, Steve Austin. Steve Austin said: Eternal Amour » Time to be open: Bipolar: Stripped down to basics, people with bipolar disorder have mood swings, … http://bit.ly/6gzQvi [...]
Personally, I know a girl who has a sister with bipolar, and she doesn’t even like talking about her bipolar, so its GREAT that you’re so open about it :)
I’ve been identified as having brain “abnormalities” in a way, I put the quotations around it because we take this test, then if we pass that we go to a test where some psychiatrist talks to us. So I passed both, and then you can choose to go to another school and be in a class with other kids that passed. It basically means our brains function differently, and it is an abnormality and we are considered mentally retarded (not in the poking fun kind of way). The board actually says that lol :P And people made fun of me for it, so I can relate on that level =/
Sorry if I bored you with the above blurb, it was random and came to my head. I hate when media twists things into horrible things, really pisses me off. I remember once there was a movie that said that all gays were satanists or something like that >.> Wtf?
My friend has OCD, and she actually had a meltdown at one point in school =/ Awwe, ((hugs)) I definitely DO NOT think you talk too much :) <33
You will beat this hun, don't let it take over you, we would all miss you online and off, I know I would. If you ever need someone to vent to, I'm available. I understand how hard it must have been to say this, but you got it off your chest hun <333
Keep strong hun, my best friend has just found out she has bipolar which is a little shock to the system but we kind of guessed, so it is hard for to cope with it… but she is getting through it :)
.-= Damita´s last blog ..Yet more snow… =-.