I need structure in my life. Everything is so willy nilly right now. For the most part, I have things in a routine and are pretty structured. Other things, important things like eating, are all fucked up.

I need to figure out a way to get myself on a schedule for my entire life. I am very much a person that needs structure and routine in my every day life. Without structure and routine things just don’t happen. I have to build better habits. It takes 30 days to build a habit and I have a LONG list of things I want to have as a habit.

I need to get the boys on a schedule for bathing. Hell, I need to be on a better bathing schedule. I just simply stopped caring about myself and really let myself go. I don’t have enough care about myself to go around and cover the boys and myself. I really need to gather up some more self worth. I will start there. I need to build my self worth up and start caring more about myself.

Along with caring about myself, I need to teach the boys to love themselves and better take care of themselves. I won’t go in to grave detail about what they need to do because I’m too ashamed to admit to it but they need to learn how care for themselves.

It’s hard to teach self worth when you don’t have any self worth yourself.

I want to get on a cleaning schedule instead of being so incredibly lazy all day long. I spend FAR too much time on the laptop.

I need to start learning to eat better too. I went from counting my calories and eating healthily every single day to substituting coffee instead of food. I’ve eaten two deviled eggs (two halves) and 6 mugs of coffee. *smh* Terrible, absolutely terrible.

I think I’m going to write a list. Yes, another list… a list of all the habits I want to accumulate over the next few months. Each week I will work on one habit. If I complete that habit 5 out of 7 of the days, I will determine if I need another week or two to perfect that habit or if I can move on to the next item in the list. I have tried this before in the past and I have failed miserably. I need to figure something out though. I have like 30 different alarms set on my phone for various things each and every day and I just silent the alarms when they come on without doing the items.

I have to figure out something because I really suck at doing so many things. I’m so lazy.

I’m going to work on my list now… wish me luck!

written on at 4:21 pm || Filed under: Struggles

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