I have been SO incredibly stressed out. All last week I was freaking the hell out thinking that I was pregnant and getting myself SICK WITH WORRY.

Well, Friday was my ultrasound. It went alright. I had to go in for an outer ultrasound with a FULL bladder, then go to the bathroom and do an inner ultrasound. While she was doing the outer ultrasound I asked, “There’s nothing in there that shouldn’t be, right?”

Her response was, “Nope, pretty standard ultrasound.”

I explained a little further how I’ve been sick lately and that I had Hyperemesis when I was pregnant and I had feared I was pregnant because of how sick I’ve been and she responded with, “Nope, no pregnancies.”

Now, THAT should have been enough to tell me, Ok, Nik, you’re not pregnant. Stop worrying. You’re sick because of your stupid birth control you have right now. But it wasn’t! I was still sick with worry! 

I have been all weekend and since then. I want confirmation from the actual doctor that nothing was in there that shouldn’t have been. I want to hear that we’re A-OK to go through with the Novasure procedure and that the tubal will be fine to be done on the 18th. I truly think I’ve been sick with worry more so than I’ve been sick with whatever my body is rejecting with the hormones. I just need to see the results of the ultrasound on the website or hear from the doctor’s mouth that everything is good to go.

Then, I only have to worry about being sick from the hormones until the 18th. And boy have I been SICK. If I wasn’t so deathly afraid of becoming pregnant I would pull the damn ring out and be done with it. However, Mike and I are more active than one would think and I do NOT want any possibly or risk. I would love to be like, I’ll just take out the ring and go without birth control until the procedures. Yea the chances of me and Mike not doing anything in that two-week span – HAHAHAHAH! No, I do not want to risk it. I would rather feel sicker than a dog and feel like I’m going to puke every time I eat than risk becoming pregnant again. I will deal with two additional weeks of sickness and just be done with all of it on the 18th.

In other news, that’s how I’ve been feeling. Every time I eat or drink anything, I get sick. Not literally get sick anymore but I feel sick. Either I feel nauseated or my stomach aches as though I have to go to the bathroom. Another way I get sick is I feel *incredibly* full. Like, I just ate a six plate dinner and I need to burst at the seams. It’s terrible! I weighed myself last night before I took a shower and went to bed and I’m still pretty high in the weight department so I haven’t really lost anything due to all this illness.

I am literally counting down the days until the procedure.

I just need the damn doctor to call or for the results of the ultrasound to come online so I can rest easier. I feel like it would pull an 80lbs weight off my shoulders if I just saw it in writing or heard it directly from the doctor that all this illness is NOT from a pregnancy.

Guess I have to wait. That’s what I’m good at, right? Waiting? *sigh* I just want to feel better again.

written on at 11:39 am || Filed under: Anxiety, Health

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