So this week has been harsh. I ruptured my ear drum on Tuesday. I went to Urgent Care and had the normal doctor, who is always there, say that he couldn’t even see in my ear to see if it was ruptured. He wrote me out a prescription for an antibiotic that he ALWAYS writes out for everyone and sent me on my way with instruction to see an E.N.T. specialist. I came home, filled my scripts, and made the appointment. I could have gotten in on Thursday at 11:50 am but I had to work at noon and I didn’t want to be calling in already so I asked what the next one was available. The next one was for the following Tuesday at 7:45 am. Ugh. Fine. Whatever. It was on my day off and I wouldn’t have to call in.

I suffered from excruciating pain the next few days. Hell, even today, Saturday, it still isn’t any better.  I have been taking my antibiotic which is my all-time-FAVORITE! I get so many terrible side effects from this particular med and for a while, I was able to get around taking it but they said this was best so just take it. So now I’m all itchy and uncomfortable due to the antibiotic. Not to mention a few personal, unmentionable side effects that I get from this stupid antibiotic. Ugh. I’m on the day what 4-5 and I’m still no better. Yesterday was worse because my ear itched so bad so I’d rub it to make the itchiness go away and then it would squeak super loud because I pushed air in and it had to release. That messed with my vertigo and I got super dizzy. It was awful.

My boss asked what I was doing for it and I told him: antibiotics, Tylenol, Ibuprofen, and I see the ENT on Tuesday. He told me I should have gone to the appointment on Thursday and that he could get cashiers to cover not replace people. Our health is more important than some job. So that was cool, now I know. So, if I’m still bad or feel like I’ll be useless (as I did on Thursday) then I’ll just call in on Monday.

Friday wasn’t as bad as Thursday. On Thursday, I didn’t do much of anything. I had no rewards sign ups, I had no add-on sales, I didn’t get any PPP sign ups. I asked… I just didn’t get any sign ups. It was a bad day for me. I felt terrible, physically and mentally. I felt so completely useless after my shift – which I didn’t even finish – I didn’t feel as though I did my best. I beat myself up pretty harshly. My two good friends, who are the kindest people I know, reminded me that what I did was enough. Thank you to them for always being there for me.

Isn’t it amazing, two people I’ve never met can give me more kindness and love and respect than people I see and talk to every single day? You’d think it would be the other way around; it isn’t. My online friends give me more love than my own family and friends. You know who you are, thank you for what you do. You mean the world to me.


I colored a little bit this week. I finished the page I showed you in the last post.

hannah lynn coloring page

She was part of my monochrome entry for the monthly challenge. I was pretty proud of her.

State Fair

We went to State Fair this Wednesday. Mike took off work and since I was off too, we decided to go. We woke up around 7am and went to be there by the time the gates opened. We got there shortly after 8am. We walked and looked around. We ended up first getting a cream puff and the boys got a giant cookie that was the size of their head. I didn’t get pictures of it, though. I really didn’t take many pictures of what we ate and stuff. I am attempting to live in the moment. Plus I have a brand new phone and I’m super scared of breaking it so I tend not to take it out very much. I did make a scrapbook page for the trip. Here it is:

wisconsin state fair 2016 project life

We had fun but by 10:30 I had heat exhaustion, my ear was killing me from all the loud noise and music, and I was ready to pass out. Mikhail wanted to go on the Big Slide one more time and Mike wanted me to take him down it. I obliged and that was a big mistake. I climbed six flights of stairs and went down the slide. Afterward, I was ready to collapse. I was so out of breath. Not to mention being overheated to dangerous temperatures and low on water. I had stopped sweating and I could hear my heart beat in my ears. I knew it was time to go. I thought about it after we were home, but had I found a bathroom and splashed myself with some water and got a cup of ice I would have been fine and OK to go for a little while longer but I didn’t think of that then. Mikhail was just about ready to go too. He was tired and Nick was hot and ready to leave also. Mike said OK let’s go even though he wasn’t that ready but knew everyone else was. We came home and he mentioned how he was still hungry and I felt really bad for leaving. I’m happy we did, though. I hate the fact that I get so overheated so easily nowadays with taking Lithium. Things could have been done to prevent me from getting so hot. Things could have been done to cool me down. I had just paid $3.50 for a bottle of water that the boys drank in 2 seconds so I was running out of options and thought it was best to leave, so we left. Nothing to change now. We left. It was the best decision for me at the time. I shouldn’t regret that or feel bad about that. I have to learn to take care of myself because no one else is going to do. Mike was totally fine with leaving early and understood why we did. He didn’t make harsh comments or even make a deal about the situation. He was fine with it, just simply said he was still hungry and I blew it out of proportion because I always want to please him and the kids.

That’s in my nature, though. I always have to please everyone else. I don’t know if that stems from the abuse I got from Matt and the shit I’d used to get if I didn’t do things perfectly for him. It just instilled in my mind that things have to be perfectly done for everyone. I wish I wasn’t that way. I wish I didn’t have to please everyone. I wish I could live for myself, Mike, and the boys ONLY. *shrugs* Someday, I’ll learn, or someday, I’ll look back and regret all of it.  Guess time will tell.

Weekend Ahead

So, my weekend ahead is pretty laid back. Right now I am doing laundry. I thought I’d get that done. Mikhail was running really low on clothes. I should go through his dresser right now and take out everything that is left in there and just take it out because obviously, he doesn’t wear it. Lynn bought some new clothes for the boys. I am contemplating ordering a few things off for the boys because everything was on sale plus I have 30% off and $10 off back-to-school clothes. I don’t know if I particularly want to drop $100 of money I don’t really have right now. I could pay it off because I have a charge card but honestly, do I want to do that?

I am doing everything in my power to build up my credit score. I dropped it down pretty low because I opened two new charge cards at the same time. Whoops. Oh well, I figure with good payments I’ll build my score back up. I figure one of us should have a good credit score, right?

Nick is going to his friend’s house overnight tonight. Mikhail and I are hanging out while Mike goes to his buddy’s house to work on his car. Mike said something about getting or ordering dinner tonight because he plans on coming home by 6-7pm. Mikhail should be OK with that. He’s a little angry with me right now because I won’t let him go swimming. I don’t particularly want to go in the pool and I will not let him go swimming by himself in the pool.

I’m going to finish up laundry, get everything folded, and put away. I am going to drop off Nick at 2pm.

Last night, I was impulsive. I got out the coloring book sheet for the color along for this week. I made copies and got it all ready on the clipboard. Then, I decided I didn’t feel like coloring. I wanted to play video games! I started looking up how much a new video game handheld console was. I decided that was too expensive and money I did NOT need to be spending right now. I decided to talk to Mike about it and he said I knew more about the gaming consoles out nowadays than he did. He was no help so I went all the way upstairs, found our Nintendo DS lite and asked Nick for his charger. We searched high and low and I asked him, “Where was the last place you had it?” and he ran downstairs and grabbed it. I also grabbed Super Mario Brothers 3 off Nick’s dresser and headed downstairs. I got the DS charged up a little while and gamed for about an hour while watching the Olympics by myself.

After that short while, I decided to be really impulsive and buy my favorite game from Super Nintendo – Yoshi’s Island off Amazon. It was kinda a little pricey and I sorta regret it because I just dropped $25 on a game, but I checked the local stores and it was actually more expensive there so I guess I got a good deal. It will give me something new to do. Besides, I am really rusty and I need to get ready for when we get Nintendo Mini in November because the boys are going to expect to play against me and I’m going to not be able to keep up with them so I better get my game-face on and get to practicing.

Holy cow this entry is super long. I didn’t expect to write this much but I guess I had a lot to say. I’m up to 1800 words right now. Crazy. Alright, I’ll end this here. Talk to you all later. 

written on at 12:15 pm || Filed under: Coloring, Health, Ohana

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