I have SO much on my mind right now. I applied at DHL yesterday for the seasonal contact center representative position. Well, today, I got a phone call from HR asking for an in-person interview next Tuesday. They skipped the phone interview and went right for the in-person interview. Since then, I have had a million and one things go through my mind regarding what to do and what is going to happen. A good friend told me to go over my Pros & Cons list and make it work. I went over my pros and cons list and my entire cons list is invalid. Here’s why:

Cons List

Training. Which, I already knew was a part of my cons list in the last post. However, this year training is SO different from what they did last year. Last year they had a five-week training course and it was first or second five-hour shifts. This was fine and dandy. The morning class would have been from 8-1 am and the afternoon/evening class would have been from 4:30 – 9:30 pm. All of this would have been fine. Mike was going to see if he could rearrange his schedule so he could start at 8:30 am and get Mikhail on the bus so I could make it to the first shift training class.

Then shit hit the fan.

There was a TON of stuff that went down at Mike’s work that caused him to not want to even ask for that. We got to talking and we both decided I would just have to do the second shift class in case he found something different and worked somewhere else. Ugh. Fine. Whatever works. So, it was settled, I’d do the 2nd shift class. So I looked at my Cons list and read the cons and pros for working for the 2nd shift training class. Lots of cons compared to pros. Ugh. Whatever. We’ll make it work.

Then it came time to actually apply. Training classes include four weeks of training, Monday through Friday, second shift, 3:30 pm until 10 pm. Uh, what?! Classes are 6.5 hours long now. They include an unpaid lunch. Lovely! Fuck.

So, now instead of getting Mikhail off the bus or preparing a meal for him to be ready when he gets off the bus. I am going to be gone before EITHER of them are off the bus. I will be at work by the time Nick is home. Nick will have to take his key, come in, get himself a REASONABLE snack, wait until Mikhail comes home, feed Mikhail, then they are going to have to wait until Mike comes home. When Mike comes home, I am going to have to have a premeditated meal planned or prepared and ready for him to either cook or eat. He will be responsible for ensuring the boy’s homework is done properly. He will be responsible for baths and showers. He will be responsible for putting the boys to bed at a reasonable time, all while staying awake himself until it is late enough for them to go to sleep.

THAT IS A LOT TO MAKE HIM RESPONSIBLE FOR! 

He told me, “We’ll make it work.”

“You want this so bad. We’ll make it work.”

I am freaking out. That is a lot to make him responsible for. After a long hard day at work. Who’s to say he won’t have a new job by then? Maybe he’ll have a new schedule where he gets off work at 3 pm. Then he won’t be so stressed and have to deal with so much after a long day at work? Ugh! So many variables all at once.

Here’s what I know

So, I have an interview on Tuesday. I will be going for the 2nd shift training class that will start at 3:30 pm, Monday – Friday for four weeks (one month). The boys and Mike will have to adjust. He said, “I’ll make it work.” He will have to step it up and do his part for one month until a trial period is over with for me to get through training. During that time, he will be looking for a new job and maybe even start a new job. Lord help me if I get this job and he finds a second shift job and we are both on second shift where no one is here for dinner, homework, baths, and bedtime. *smh* No, no. I mustn’t think of that. But I must! That is a possibility. There are so many things that could happen in the next two months. All I know is that I feel incredibly selfish for wanting this as badly as I do.

I also know that if I am offered a position at DHL on Tuesday, I have two decisions/options to make. I could work every single day up until the 27th of Jan. (if I’m in the first training class) at OM. Or, I could go to work on Thursday, put in my two weeks, work two weeks, and then take a few weeks break to mentally prepare myself for what I’m about to do.

I think the latter will work better. I think if I find out on Tuesday I have a job, I am going to put in my two weeks notice on Thursday and work until the 19th, which will give me 11 days until I start my new position and training at DHL to get the boys ready and myself ready for working 2nd shift. That means a med adjustment since I won’t be able to take my Ambien if I’m not getting home until 10 pm, taking it, then not allowing myself a full eight hours of sleep UNLESS I manage a nap before work during the day. Another thing I’ll have to figure out among myself.

Ok, my brain hurts. I didn’t figure anything out.

Oh yea! Summer time!

What am I going to do during the summertime!? I really, really want to start working Monday, Wednesday – Friday from 9 am until 4 pm. Giving me six and half hours of work time with a half hour unpaid lunch during the day. That would be 26 hours per week.

What on earth am I going to do with the boys over the summer for almost 30 hours per week!? 

They are going to be alone, for 26 hours a week, left to fend for themselves, feed themselves, ENTERTAIN THEMSELVES! Last summer they proved they can lock themselves in their room while their little brother sits on the Xbox bored out of his mind for the entire duration of my day. That was only for five hours shifts.

Do I say screw it, go in guns a blazing, request 26 hours a week? Then, after school lets out and they prove themselves unworthy of 26 hours of self-entertaining I lower my hours or limit myself to three days a week instead? I don’t think that would be a problem. I don’t see my bosses having a problem with my having to change my schedule around the summer time as long as I prove myself worthy. I have to bust my ass and prove myself worth to them that I’m worth it and any schedule change I may need. I don’t think I’m going to go in there saying “OH yea! By the way, during our most busiest time of the year, I am going to have to change my schedule to lower my hours and work load due to conflicts with my kids.”

Hmph. That is risky.

I feel a little better though. I am going to leave this here. I’ll be back soon to write more.

written on at 9:36 pm || Filed under: Anxiety, Struggles

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