Last night was one weird, annoying, ‘I just want to never talk to anyone ever again’ type of night. It started off like any other night, sat around with Nickolas watching various cartoons and shows. I decided to call my Mom. I had asked her “When do you have off again?” She instantly replied with, “I have off Friday. I have tons of stuff to do. I have to…” I interrupted, because at this point I was already pissed off. “Mom! I didn’t even ask because I need a baby sitter or anything. Jesus. I was just wondering in case you wanted to go to some stores with me. That way you could see your grandson.” She now felt stupid, “Oh. Well, I suppose we could do that.” Fucking bitch. I mean, its one thing to make up excuses after excuses as to why you cannot watch your grandson one night when I ask if you can baby sit, but to assume that I’m instantly asking that the moment I ask when you have off of work. Fuck you. I really shouldn’t be surprised though. Nothing my Mother does should surprise me at this point, but yet it still finds a way.

So anyways, I was playing my game last night; Runescape. I’m a nerd. I know. “You should play WoW, its much better.” Yea. Whatever. I have no desire to do so. Anyways, I was playing that and Krystal’s (my sister, of course) boyfriend, Matt decided to message me. Started asking all sorts of questions regarding what he should do about her. Me, already being in a pissed off mood towards my Mom, tells him, “She’s an immature idiot. Do as you will.” I basically went off. I was told she was still smoking weed, more so than I thought she was. Along with sniffing pills until she was two months. Ugh! I don’t know what to believe, quite frankly, I don’t care enough to sit there and piece together the stories to figure out the truth. Regardless, I know what I know, and I have emotions towards the situation that I cannot change. I am so frustrated and pissed off with that side of the family right now.I think my main problem is this: When Krystal and I give birth, thats two new grand babies for my Mom. Krystal lives with her, so she’ll have no choice but to see that one. Here’s the problem, Nickolas will be left behind. Nick loves my Mom for some reason. When these babies come, she’s not going to want to take Nickolas, let alone take Nickolas and the baby over at her house. She already has one there. So, Nickolas is going to be left behind, in the dust. What the fuck ever. Thats bull shit if you ask me. If I sound bitter towards my family, I am. “They’re your family.” Quite frankly, I really could care less if they were attached to me at the hip due to some freak accident. I do not agree with the stuff they do. I do not agree with the stuff they say. I don’t agree with the lies and bull shit that everyone pulls. I have never ever understood my Mom’s mindset of thinking. I honestly believe, there is no point even trying anymore. Whats worse, is Krystal is a complete spawn of her. If there could be any closer exact replica it would be her. I found out last night, Krystal feels as though “I’m just like Mom.” HA! I’m sorry. I don’t lie. I don’t cheat. I don’t steal. I’m not money hungry. I will never charge my children to watch my grand child. I will never kick out my children because, “a parent can only take so much before they get pushed to the point of not caring.” I will never be a bad parent.

In lighter news:

I renewed my schooling. I have to complete it by February 8th, 2009. Otherwise its going to be extremely expensive because they will not grant any more extensions. Regardless, I have 4 subjects left. Only, roughly, 25 more exams to do. I have six months to complete them and dammit I’m going to complete them. I finished my book keeping yesterday. This is the one that kept me down and kept kicking me. It was hard as hell but I finished it with passing grades yesterday. Thank god. So, I just have to wait until the rest of my materials are sent in the mail and arrive for me to finish the last four. I’m actually pretty excited about it, to be honest. I miss school. I miss having new school supplies in the beginning of the year, and meeting my new teachers. God, if I would’ve known then what I know now, right? Call me crazy, but I really do miss being in school. I’d love to go to college for web design and such. I heard from my older sister Sarah that because I have children I could go to school for practically free. I don’t know about all that, but I don’t think theres any way I’d be able to do it anyways. Not now anyways. For now, I’m going to leave this as is. Sorry for the lack of updates. I’ve been addicted to playing this damn game again. It will probably pass within the next week or so. Adios people.

Written on Wednesday August 13th, 2008 at 1:59pm || Filed under: Family ||