I decided to write a quick blog here today. It is REALLY hard to keep up with three (3) THREE blogs at a time. It was definitely a moment of when mania attacks that possessed me to have three blogs at a time. I guess it kinda works out, though. I talk about my friends and family and the boys on the other site and I can talk openly about being manic and depressed without any judgy family. Since I do have a pretty judgy family when it comes to Bipolar Disorder. Anywayyy…

I had a psychiatry appointment this week. He got a new medical assistant so I didn’t know how that was going to go. She met with me, took my blood pressure, asked my weight and height, then sent me on my way. *shrugs* Uhm, ok? I honestly don’t know what the point of her was or why my ‘pdoc’ wanted her so badly. That was one of his requirements – “I must have a medical assistant or I’m not staying!” – well, they gave him one.

I met with my ‘pdoc’ and it was the normal questions. He ran down all the symptoms and I answered yes or no to each of them. Usually, it’s “nope, nope, nope” but this time, I had to include that I did, in fact, have racing thoughts and the inability to focus. He explained that he didn’t feel comfortable upping my lithium simply because I couldn’t read a book while the boys swam. “We up your lithium, we need to do more blood work and monitor your levels. You have a tendency to go too high then get lithium toxicity than we just have to lower it again. We are not looking for perfection with your symptoms. There will be inconsistencies that you feel. Some days better than others. Some symptoms you just need to deal with on a bad day.” Whatever you say, Mr. Pdoc. So, no med adjustments. See him in three months just like normal.

That’s fine. It honestly is. I really didn’t feel like going through the whole bloodwork ordeal anyway. I simply cannot read or focus on one task for a very long period of time. For instance, this blog can only be written unless I have music playing. It’s so weird, I cannot focus on writing the blog itself in dead silence. I can’t do it with the TV on either. That’s just a distraction. It’s like my brain will not function properly without some noise but it can’t be distracting noise like the TV.

Would I like to be able to read on the patio while the boys swim? Absolutely! However, it’s not going to kill me that I can’t. I also have the worse decision making when it comes to what to read. I started reading a book about being confident and end self-doubt. I’ve read about 37% of the book itself but find myself growing unable to continue reading longer than a few moments. Perhaps the book is too boring. Then again, I’ve started a few other books too and found the beginnings to just not grasp me fast enough to hold my attention. So, instead, I sit on Facebook or Instagram and just browse social media aimlessly looking for something that entertains me.

There I go again, losing track of what I was talking about. Ugh! That’s my cue to just end this here and call it a day.

Today is the boy’s last day of summer school. Gone are the three hours of uninterrupted times of silence or shopping in peace. Although, we are testing the ability to go shopping without the boys and leaving them home for that 30-60 minute span. We’ll see how that goes!

Talk to you later.


written on at 10:32 am || Filed under: Life with Bipolar

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