I’m pretty depressed or irritated or nervous or SOMETHING right now. So I’m not quite sure how long or heart filled this entry will be. I have plans to go talk to work today and discuss my short future with them. During my last doctors appointment, my doctor set my return to work date to be September 1st. Well, theres a lot of shit going on behind the scenes of that. My family medical leave is up as of the 21st. For those of you who don’t know what that is; FMLA (abbreviated) is the law each state has for medical leaves. For instance, Wisconsin has a 12 week period of time, in which if you’re on medical leave your employer cannot fire you plus, they have to grant your insurance and benefits, along with have your job (or an equivalent job) waiting for you when you return. With all that being said, my 12 weeks is up on the 21st of July. Which was when my work release was extended to. Well, now my doctor extended everything until September 1st. I’m not complaining by far! I know I probably wont be 100% better until then anyways. Heres the dilemma and my choices that I am facing:

Choice A: Taking the extension and collecting Short Term Disability until the 1st of September.Well, I could do this. You would think it would be the most logical. Stay off work, continue to collect STD and get better. Well, heres the thing, IF I stay on STD and collect from the insurance company, I still have to pay for insurance itself. Thats $150 (possibly $900 depending on whether or not my insurance premium goes up) a month. Plus, since its not “work related” income and is considered “other income” I don’t qualify for food stamps. Technically its because “I make too much.” My rent is still the same amount as it is. So, if I were to continue to collect STD, I will have to pay about 3 extra things that we wouldn’t have to worry about if I didn’t. NOT EVEN MENTIONING the fact that technically by law, work can fire me legally after the 21st and it would be okay. They’re not obligated by law to keep me anymore, my 12 weeks is up. So, I have a chance I could lose my job anyways!

Choice B: Discuss with work the possibility of taking an unpaid leave of absence, drop their insurance, and come back after the baby is born.

If I were to go to work, and it turns out that my insurance premium does indeed jump to $900, this is going to be the choice I’ll be forced to take. Basically this option includes me going to work, and basically begging to keep my job, but not working right now. I’d have to discuss it with my manager and see if there was anyway I could take an unpaid leave of absence until after the baby is born. (Which will end up being sometime in February or March because of maternity leave and the fact that our “seasons” don’t start until around March or April anyways.) The thing is, I don’t even know if work would be WILLING to do this for me. Technically they can say, “No, we’re sorry but we’re not going to be able to do that. You’re going to have to reapply for your position next season and return that way if we feel as though you can at that time. We’re sorry to lose you.” In all honesty, I’m putting my ass and job on the line by doing this, BUT I have some advantages to doing it this way. First and foremost, I’ll for sure have a job (if they say yes) when this baby is born. There will be no unemployment, searching for work, or depression due to not being able to provide for my family. Our rent payment will drop in half because my income will be taken off. I’ll qualify for food stamps and insurance through the state. I won’t have to pay for insurance anymore, which includes the $75 co-pay I have to pay for every single time I have to go to the ER. I don’t even want to think about what the co-pays are for when I deliver. Plus, I wont have to sit on needles for the next 6 months waiting for the phone call of “We’re sorry, but your position has been terminated due to your inability to work.”

So, what do I do? Well, it all depends on whether or not my insurance premium jumps up. If it does, I’ll have no choice; it will be B. Needless to say, I’m nervous about it. I don’t care regardless what happens today. Whether it be A or B, all I want to happen is to get some answers. To know today whether or not my job is in jeopardy, or whether I’ll be able to sit easy for the rest of this pregnancy. There was some other shit I wanted to write about today too, but I think I’ll save that for another time. I was really depressed yesterday. Simple feeling like a failure kicked in hard. If I have time, or decide I need to get that all out I’ll come back and write about it. If I don’t then I got over it. I’ll be posting SOME pictures from the 4th of July. I really don’t have many and the videos from that night are on a friends Myspace and unable to be saved. I’d upload them on my server if that wasn’t the case. So yea… Theres more I could write about but I have to call my mom, feed Nickolas, and get some clothes on for the big event. Wish me luck.

Filed under: Health ||