Med Changes, The Sims 3, Almost Lost My Job
Ahh. The kids are in bed. Mike’s asleep on the couch. What does that leave me left to do? Time to write a blog post. This has been a productive week so I suppose I should tell you all about it right? C’mon, I know you care. Ahh well, I’m going to tell you anyway. [skipping around, I just came back to tell you that this is going to be a long entry. So much happened! Okay, back to where I was...]
So, Tuesday was my busiest day by far. I had two appointments. One with my therapist, the other with my pdoc (psychiatrist).
The therapy appt went well. We talked about how my attorney is planning an appeal (read more about that here), how well Mike and I are doing, my struggles with work, etc. He said I seemed very “off” and not fully there. Which I am. I am very off lately. I can’t describe it. Its like I’m not high on a manic episode, and I’m not riding low in depression. I’m just in the middle but not normal. I’m just here. I told him I wanted to go to work to speak to my old boss. He said I seemed distracted and he’d let me go early so I can get that done.
So, I went to talk to my old boss. A little back story behind this man. He used to be like a second dad to me. He was caring, kind, and understanding of any situation I’ve been in. He used to be my boss when I worked at my job three years ago. He’s not my boss now that I’m back because I’m second shift now. I haven’t seen him since I’ve been back because of my hours. I came in to talk to him. Visit with him. Just see how things are going. Ya know? Show him I still care.
So, we walk in his office and he goes “Ms. Buczek how are you?”
“Things are alright, but I got to be honest, I’m struggling.”
“Please sit down, shut the door.” He pulls out a chair that’s close to him. “Whats going on Nikkole?”
“Things are rough right now. I’m having a hard time doing this job. As you know I have bipolar disorder and its the worse its ever been. I’ve been struggling to cope with it. Things aren’t what they used to be. I can’t file locates the correct way. I can’t get a perfect QA for the life of me. I’m just… just having a real rough time.”
“I had no idea. I’m sorry things are so tough for you. Whats got you hooked? What are you struggling with?”
“Well, to give you an idea of whats happening. When I spell back callers names I’ve always get it wrong. Its like I’m hearing them but its not processing in my head enough to get it written down and spelled back right. Then while, lets say, I’m in the dig location tab and I’m reading off the street names I’ll go in to verbiage. Silly things like that.”
“So you’re not focused. Having a hard time concentrating.”
“Exactly. My mind races with bipolar and I have a hard time focusing on anything I’m doing because things in my head are going so fast.” So, I go on explaining to him what I’m struggling with and how I’m trying to do the best I can and what have you.
He sits forward and looks me in the eyes and goes, “Nikkole, can you do this job?”
“I’d like to think I can do this job.”
“That’s not what I asked you.”
I sit back for a while. A good few minutes pass without a word being said and I look at him and say, “No. I can’t. Not to the standards you’re looking for.”
The next 10-15 minutes or so are blurry to me. I don’t know or remember what was said exactly. Here’s the jist of what is being said.
“What are you doing about this Nikkole?”
“I’m VTOing, a lot. Anytime I feel like I’m getting bad or I can’t take a call or I fear I’m going to get irrate with a caller, I VTO.
He tells me, “I take this as your resignation then. You can’t do your job. Then why are you here. I take that as you’re quitting.”
I’m taken back by this. “I had no intentions of quitting sir. That’s not why I came in here. I just wanted someone to know what was going on in case my tickets weren’t as good as they were when I was last here. I just wanted it to be known.” I’m near tears at this point.
“Well, let me talk to Ben and Kera” Ben is the VP of the company. Kera is head of Human Resouces. “and we’ll go from there. We’ll see what they have to say. Do you want to quit? We’re not doing layoffs for quite some time.”
“I’d much rather you fire me, or lay me off than me quit. My boyfriend would kill me to know that I’m here talking to you about this.”
“I understand completely. Let me talk to them and see what they have to say. You understand my stand point for things. You’re basically telling me you can’t do your job…”
“No. I understand completely. You got to look at this from a business side of view. Just keep in contact with me and let me know what happens.”
With that, we shook hands and I was sent on my merry way. Completely unsure what the hell just happened. I mean, did I just quit my job? Mike is going to kill me. What am I going to do?
I head to Lynn’s (Mike’s Mom) house because she was watching Mikhail for me. I tell her what happened and tell her she’s not allowed to tell Mike. I was beside myself. I didn’t know what to say or do. I was just in complete shock that I just did that. Me and my damn big mouth. Son of a bitch. Now I have no job. Who knows if they’ll welcome me back when MIkhails in school and I can work during the week. Ugh! So, I sit like that for about two hours. Just completely beside myself unsure of whats going to happen or what to do.
Two hours later, he calls me. “Hey Nikkole its _______. I talked to Ben and Kera and I wanted to let you know we feel its best you just continue to VTO when things get rough. You have to promise me you’ll try your hardest and do the best you can. It was a pleasure to see you again Nikkole. I hope things get better for you. Don’t be a stranger to me. Do me one last thing, give Matt a chance.” Matt is my boss. I don’t trust him like I trust Dave. Its not the same to talk to him like I talk to Dave. But I’ll give him a chance. I thanked Dave for everything. Told him I would do my best to work out everything.
I literally fell back and nearly had a heart attack. I couldn’t believe it. I got to keep my job! Can you believe it?! I couldn’t. I had my job. Now I have to bust my ass to not get fired. Eyes are going to be on me a little more now. They’re going to be watching my every move now. Phew…
After all that excitement I went to my pdoc appointment. This was just a normal appointment. He wanted to start off with getting a profile. Moodswings? Check. Irritability? Check. Depression? Check. Crying Spells? Unable to cry. Focus? Unable to focus? Staying on task? Unable to. Impulsiveness? Spending. Trouble sleeping? Check. Mind racing? Check.
“Ok Nikkole, what’s going on?”
“How do I say this…?”
“Sexual dysfunction?”
“YES!”
“Unable to climax?”
“Yes! Also low sex drive.”
“It is common with the type of anti-depressant you’re on. We will try Nortriptyline. It shouldn’t give you such harsh effects if any in that department.
Thank god. I haven’t had an orgasm in over two months. Do you know how incredibly frustrating it is to have a high sex drive, whose boyfriend has a high sex drive also, and have the ability to reach orgasm, if not two or three or more every time to go to NOTHING. Ugh! Let me tell you its frustrating as hell!
So now, what medications am I on? This is more for my reference than your knowledge.
AM: 2 lithium, 1 risperidal, 1/2 celexa
PM: 3 lithium, 1 nortriptyline, 2 risperidal, 1 ambien
Next week, I will be eliminating celexa, and adding 1 nortriptyline.
That is my current medication cocktail. So far, that’s whats keeping me sane and from killing my kids. Not literally, but you know what I mean.
Finally, the sims 3. As I wrote in my previous entry Mike bought me two Sims 3 stuff packs. Town Life and High End Loft. Well, High End Loft stuff installed no problems. Fine and dandy, great! I put in Town Life and the disk spun and made really loud noises. It was ridiculous. So I take the game back to Target, and they exchange for a new game. I bring it home, it does the same thing. I do this once more, end result is still the same. Disk is blank.
So, I go to play the Sims, and it says I have an update I have to do. Alright. So, I install the update, and I get an error. It won’t install the update. WTF!? Nothing will work. So, I uninstall the sims. I’ll just reinstall it. While I’m installing it I get a redundancy error. Uh oh! That’s not good. So I’m like, great, I’m going to have to reformat the hard drive and go back to factory settings.
I reformat the hard drive. I go to install the game. I get the redundancy error again! WTF! WHY IS IT DOING THIS?! I reformatted the freakin’ hard drive there is no reason why I should get an error. So I start searching online for tips on how to get through this. I find a post on a message board that says defrag your hard drive and it should work. So, I do this. Remind you I’m on my 2nd day of dealing with this shit. I love this game though I can’t not play… I must play. Defrag doesn’t work.
Alright. I’m going to reformat my hard drive ONE last time. I stay up late, I reformat it. First thing I do when I get the computer back up and running is I install the disk. Nothing but errors. SCREW THIS! I contact EA and tell them what happens. They give me a digital copy of the base game. Saweet. So, all I have to do is download the digital copy and I can install it. If this doesn’t work I’m going to give up on all hope to play the Sims. Which would have made me a VERY sad panda.
After nearly 9 hours, the download is complete. The game installs flawlessly. VICTORY! So, I excitedly start installing my expansion packs. First one, no problem. Second one, ERRORS! You’ve GOT to be kidding me. So I read on the post on the message boards if when you get the error, you eject the disk, wait a second, insert the disk, wait a few moments then click ok. You keep doing this until the install is done. According to her, her game never crashed once after doing this. So, I do this method, it works. Phew!
So, we go to Target today, and I exchange my other stuff pack for a final time! This will be my FOURTH disk. I tell them, if this doesn’t work, what do I do? She tells me contact the manufacture. Alright. So I come home. I try it. It doesn’t work! UGH! Nothing but problems the last 3 days trying to install the sims. I just want to play my game!!! So, I contact EA again. I tell them whats going on. Every time I buy one of your disks, its blank. Can I have a digital copy of the game? After a little bit of finesse they give in and give me one. So, its finally done. Everything is installed. I have it all on my computer once again. I just have to try playing it to see if it crashes because of doing what I said I did above with the ejecting the disk and such. I’ll try playing tomorrow. So here’s to crossing fingers and toes to make sure that it works correctly.
Alright folks, I’m awfully tired after wring this long ass post. Thanks in advance for any comments. I’ll try to write back ASAP.
