Man, I am one irritable son of a bitch today. It was just a series of little things that added up to a whole lot of nonsense that pushed me past my limit then pushed me even further.

I was having an OK day today. Calls were going well. I got two audits there were both ‘excellent’, so perfect scores. Customer service week is next week so that should be fun. I put in for overtime availability on Monday for an extra 30 minutes after my shift. Everything seemed alright. Slowly but surely, things kept pecking away at my patience.

  • I went to work hungry. I forgot to eat breakfast. I didn’t get sick this morning and I didn’t bring a soda. I had nothing in my stomach and I grew hangry.
  • (Insert unmentionable name) kept talking about their diet all day today. How they’re so miserable because their body is reduced to nothing with zero sugar. Blah blah blah. They talked about it almost the entire day.
  • calls started getting irritating. Problems that weren’t our problem kept coming up. I screwed up one of my calls by telling someone we couldn’t do something without asking if we were or weren’t allowed to do it and hung up with the person giving them the wrong answer. Whoops. I felt anxious that I was going to get called out on it and it would come and bite me in the ass since every call is recorded.
  • I FINALLY ate lunch and it was not at all what I wanted. No one really talked to me in the lunchroom. I kinda felt like an outsider. I feel like people are singling me out and purposely excluding me. Did I cause that with my lack of friendliness? No. I’m always friendly. Whatever, their loss. Half of them aren’t going to make it past November anyways, hell, I might not either.
  • I put in to take off next Wednesday as an extra day off to “run errands” on Monday. Well, it was denied today. No reason. Just denied. The calendar was wide open. It wasn’t a blacked out day. It wasn’t even yellow saying ‘hey we’re kinda getting towards being blacked out for this day’, no it was wide open!
  • After that happened, I never was approved for my OT. Do you not want my help? Well, fuck it then. I removed and deleted my availability. Not out of spite as much as I kinda needed to know if I was or wasn’t going to be working late on Monday and what to tell the boys. So, since no one got back to me about yes you can work extra on Monday I deleted my availability. Fuck it.
  • Mike and I were texting back and forth today. I laughed while reading my texts on my Gear Fit 2 (think Fitbit/smartwatch) well, someone noticed that I did this and was like “OOOOHHH!!! SHAME ON YOU!!!” I don’t know this person well enough to know whether or not they’d tell on me or not.  Fucking whatever. Another worry I have to worry about it.
  • I finally got out of work. Someone even let me merge into traffic. I was finally headed home. THANK GOD! I arrived at home in one piece. I was home. I could have a cup of coffee and just relax for approximately 40 minutes before having to drop off Nickolas at his friend’s house for his sleepover. I walked in the door. I instantaneously heard, “I NEED $20!”
    “For what?!”
    “We’re going to Meijer!”
    “What do you possibly need $20 for? I thought you were going to Culver’s?”
    “Are we going to Culver’s or Meijer? No, we’re going to Meijer.”
    “What on earth do you need $20 for!?”
    “Snacks!”
    “I’m not giving you $20 for snacks. I was going to give you a few dollars to go to Culver’s to get some ice cream. Doesn’t Connor have money to get something too? I told you guys about this idea days ago! He could have figured something out.”
    “Do you have money? No? Can you ask your mom for some money? No? Hmm, OK. Mom, I need enough for both of us if we’re going to do that.” *Puts me on the spot*
    “Nick. I will give you some money… we’ll discuss it later. Don’t go asking him to tell his mom to give him money now!”
  • Mikhail didn’t want to go with for the car ride so I popped my head in next door asking if it was alright if he stayed home. They said it was fine. I turned on my foot and walked out and took Nick.
  • I proceeded to have a LONG conversation with him on the car ride there. “You can’t just go sleep over at people’s houses and expect the child’s parents to give them money. You shouldn’t expect me to give you money so you can go here and there so you have something to eat. You’re so damn picky with everything that you cannot even sleep over at someone’s house and find something to eat without having to make a special trip to the store to get food … not food … JUNK food just so you have something to eat. You cannot expect so much for everyone to cater to you just because you like to be difficult. — fast forward about 10 minutes. I gave him $20 and told him to buy snacks for him and his friend and never to expect this to happen again. UGH!
  • I came home and made a cup of coffee. I sat. I relaxed. I went to my website. Something wasn’t working. It gave me a 500 error. What the hell. I researched the error. I tried a couple of solutions. Nothing worked. Mike came home so I helped him. He went and worked out and I futzed with Eternal Amour some more. Nothing was working. I went outside and helped Mike cook our steaks. I had to go inside and outside about 10 times to assist him in cooking. Our grill keeps flaming up because it needs to be cleaned out. I thought for sure the steaks would be charred. Positive note: the steaks turned out perfectly.
  • Mikhail ate, I swear to god, over 8 different things since the time I walked in the door until we had steak at 7:30 at night. That kid is going to eat me out of a house and he’s not even a teenager yet! 
  • Mike’s game came out today so guess where Mikhail and Mike were all night – held up playing their games. I knew this was coming and I knew they would be playing it non-stop all night. Doesn’t make it any easier. Oh well, I had priorities myself… my website was still not working.
  • I chatted with support with Dreamhost. Long story short, my website got hacked. Permissions were changed in a whole mess of files and pages in my themes and settings. I ended up having to delete my Paris theme I had up, reinstall all the basic WordPress files and do a fresh install to the standard files, then I had to delete the Paris theme. Thank god I had another backup theme called Paris-Revised that I created a while back that had some minor tweaks but was essentially the same theme. I had NO other backups of the theme anywhere! I never ever not have backups for my sites. This time I didn’t have a single backup for the theme I had just deleted. I spent over an hour on chat with support. They got my site, entries, pages, and everything back up and running but the theme had to be deleted because it was corrupted and hacked. I deleted it and went over to the Paris Revised file and started altering and editing that to work. So, while it might not look like as anything changed. It took a LOT of work to get this back up and running to look like it does. If you’re on a mobile site, I don’t know how to refresh or hard refresh the site so it looks like it’s supposed to. I got it mostly up and running.
  • I went over my calories today. I knew it was going to happen. I had a soda, coffee, cheesecake, a Caramello bar, plus a bunch of other junk.

Ugh. Tomorrow is a new day. Right? I have to pick up Nickolas at noon. Fucking noon. That’s like, not even a full 18 hours that he’s sleeping over at his friend’s. Whatever. I’ll go pick him up. Mike and I will be going to the grocery store together to pick up a bunch of foods to meal prep for the week ahead. He wants to make grilled chicken and rice bowls for his lunches throughout the week. We intend on shopping Saturday, marinating and prepping the food on Saturday afternoon, then preparing and cooking the food on Sunday for the entire week ahead.

Tomorrow is a new day.

written on September 29, 2017 at 10:11 pm with 1 Comment
Filed under: Struggles