Well, I thought I’d come and say a final goodbye to 2017. It’s been real. There were a lot of ups and downs and side to sides. It was a crazy rollercoaster ride. I started off the year hopeful, a little too confident, and strong. I went to DHL with an open attitude and heart that I could conquer the world.

I guess confidence, like all things in my life, are black and white. I either feel it with full force or not at all. The confidence I had going into DHL was too strong and I went in there thinking I could rule the training class and all the changes that went along with it. I met my match when I was seated with a gal that wasn’t going to let some two-time having trainee show her up. She shot me down and told me every detail of everything I did wrong. I found out later she was wrong about how she treated me and that she felt threatened. However, it gave me a swift kick in the pants about how not to act in the call center.

Months went by and I had some high and low points. VTO got the best of me and I was walking out of there thinking I was being picked because I was liked so much. Little did I know it would eventually hurt me. I thought I was golden, unstoppable even. Anxiety started to play its tune a little worse and worse every day. I grew sicker and sicker the closer we got to the end of the season. The summer came and I lost it. The boys were at home and at camp and I didn’t know how I was going to make it work. They were fine but there were three weeks in which they would be home alone. The home alone thing is something, I personally, have to get over. Me, myself, and I. No one else can make that anxiety go away for me. All the reassurance and confidence in the world, from everyone else, including the boys, is not going to make my anxiety about them being home alone any easier. So, I VTO’d even more. The guilt of them not being in the pool or not having the summer of their lives ate away at me.

This is something I have to get real with from now until June 2018.

Summer came and gone and I found myself still anxious. Why? The boys were in school all day, the house was fine. No more worrying about swimming or if they were doing something they enjoyed. It was time to chill out and just relax. Oh no. I had Disney to worry about. More importantly, I had Disney Debt to worry about. We had less than a month to go. We were pulling funds from every angle.

We went to Disney and spent almost exactly what we said we were going to. Some of that in cash, most of it on credit cards. I feel like Mike didn’t enjoy himself AS MUCH as he could have had he had more money to spend because he simply didn’t want to spend any more than we needed to. Overall, the trip was successful. The boys enjoyed themselves and they were under the impression that Disney was Christmas.

I found out the first day of vacation, I wouldn’t have a job. I was let go from DHL. I thought I did everything right but I had my weaknesses and flaws. I spent the first week of being unemployed unsure of whether or not if I’d even get unemployment. I went to Disney with a heavy heart but I tried my best to keep my spirits high. We went on our family vacation and did our best to enjoy ourselves.

We came home and unemployment was figured out. I had a little bit of cash coming in to cover my bills.

We went through October through December with my bills barely being paid but never touching my emergency savings fund minus $200 that we needed for groceries during a bye week.

We made it through, even though it was tough, we did it. We made it through Christmas and it was very successful. It put me in worse debt but I am optimistic that in 2018 I will get debt-free.

2017, I’m over you. Bring on 2018 and the good it’s going to bring.

written on December 31, 2017 at 1:13 pm with 2 Comments
Filed under: Holidays