Hello. What can I say? Same old shit is still going on. I’m still sick. I’m still out of work. I’m still completely overwhelmed with life. Nickolas is still out of daycare and home with me all day. Basically the jist of whats going on lately; I contacted the doctors office (again) for another extension on my short term disability leave. Apparently they approved it and faxed in the paperwork to my work. I called work to confirm the date of the extension; but they haven’t gotten it yet. So, another waiting game…My mom offered to take Nickolas this entire weekend. Our plans are to go camping. I’m pretty anxious about this cause I have a feeling its not going to happen. 1) Its late in the week. No sites are available to be reserved. 2) Its Thursday we haven’t even CONSIDERED packing or planned what we need to get/buy. 3) Did I mention, its REALLY late in the week and this is going to be a complete impulsive trip if it happens. I’m not whining about it, just nervous cause its something I’ve REALLY wanted to do for a short while now. Just get away. My health probably isn’t “ready” for it. I’d much rather enjoy an entire weekend of puking in the outdoors, without Nickolas screaming/playing while trying to do so, and just relax in between. I guess we will see what comes of it and what happens in the next 36 hours. I also don’t think I’ll have anymore chances this summer to go.Stuff I worry about, and shouldn’t… I don’t know why I can’t just shut off my mind and let the shit slide one day at a time. “I’ll worry about it when the time has come.” Type of deal. Oh no, thats now how I work. I, instead, toss and turn all night long worried about it. Next week, I have two appointments. Tuesday I have to go down to the ghetto, and get my state stuff taken care of. I PRAY that they don’t need a whole lot of paperwork because I simply don’t have it. I’ve been off work since May so I don’t have my last two paychecks, nor do I have copies of any of the proof that I haven’t been there other than my short term disability extensions. Those only extend until the 30th because they faxed in the last one… Therefore I don’t have it. I’m worried most because my Mom and sister are going to come with me down to the appointment, whose going to watch Nickolas at 8:15am? I surely do NOT want to take him down there. I’m scared to death to go down there myself, I’m a grown women. I refuse to take my four year old son, who hates to behave also down there. Guess we will see. *sigh*I’m curious to know if anyone actually even still reads this. I disabled the blocked commenting thing. You don’t need be registered to leave comments or put in your password to do so anymore. So please feel free to leave comments regarding what you feel/think or what you simply want to smack me across the face with. I really need to get the ball rolling on here and Sparkle Host. I’ve been completely M.I.A from both. Oops! I don’t do anything during the day but sit and “take it easy”, otherwise take care of Nickolas and his thousands of demands. I am probably going to work on a new layout for here eventually. We’ll see who actually reads this though before considering it. Here’s my last thought…I’ve come to realize that people are so different than they used to be. I have gotten in touch with many old friends of mine from high school. I still cannot bring myself to actually talk/hang out with them though. I don’t know if its anxiety issues or what it is. Bad timing could be the biggest factor of all. I got in contact with two of my old best friends from high school a week prior to finding out I was pregnant. Then I began getting sick which didn’t help the situation. I simply didn’t want to be like “HEY! Yea, we can hang out. Nah, not this month unless you want me to get up every five minutes to puke my brains out.” I miss my friends. I just feel as though my life doesn’t have time for friends. For instance, I talk to my best friend since 7th grade every now and then. We just seen each other again for the first time in over two years a few weeks ago. It was very awkward. Best friends shouldn’t feel awkward. Well, at least I shouldn’t feel it. I have a small, SMALL, group of friends at this point. Only two in which I currently hang out with on a regular basis. Yes, Gwenn, thats you. Feel proud, I actually talked about you. :happy: Life just doesn’t feel as though it allows time for things like that anymore. At least not for me… I’m 21 going on 22 years old; I don’t have a life other than home. Which is fine by me because I don’t think I’d like it out in the “real world” too much. I could easily say “Hey, lets all go hang out at a bar tonight.” to a group of my friends from high school. BUT I don’t like going to the bar. I don’t like feeling that weirdness that you feel when you run out of things to say after catching up your life. I don’t like how it feels to know that your friendship WILL NEVER be the same as it was when you were kids. I need to learn how to balance my time. Cleaning, cooking, children, boyfriends, friends, life, work (when I’m there of course), time for my hobbies and enjoyments, and relaxation for myself. Theres not enough hours in the day for all of it. Usually someone always misses out; Thats usually always me. Life is so different from what it used to be. I guess I could’ve expected it but when it hits, it hits hard. I’m pregnant. I’ve accepted thats alright. I even think Mike has accepted it also. Mike and I have grown so damn close in the past month with everything going on. He’s done so much more for me than he normally did. Helps out so much more without my asking. I honestly couldn’t ask for more, and I’d be a damn fool to even begin to think of wanting something more/different. This entry has been completely random. Back and forth from my moving thoughts. If I’ve confused you, I am sorry. I guess I just had a lot to get out. Theres a lot more in there that could be released but thats going to be saved for a different day. I have a four year old little boy who is demanding toast right this second. I also need to figure out what the hell is going on this weekend. Thanks for listening. Honestly, if you read this still please feel free to leave me a comment of some sort. Just click on the link that says “0 comments” and it will pop open a new window. You’ll see this entry scroll all the way down to see the comment box. Not that hard, actually. Thanks anyways.

Written on Thursday June 26th, 2008 at 11:14am || Filed under: Health ||