First things are first, I am planning on keeping this blog public. So hooray! I have to understand I’m going to have readers who don’t comment. Not everyone comments one everything they read. This doesn’t necessarily mean they’re stalkers. So, here’s to hoping I get some new readers and comments.

My optimism is growing…

I’m growing more optimistic about removing Mirena and becoming a new person, or a person that I used to be a long time ago. That old person kinda is like being a new person because I haven’t been that person in so long. I’ve had Mirena for 7 years and 3 months. I’m a completely different person than who I was 7.2 years ago. I asked Mike today, “What happens when you don’t like the person I become?” He responded with, “I’m not going anywhere and you’ll become yourself.” You’ll become yourself. What does that even mean? Who am I? Who is “myself” as a person? It’s been 7.2 years since I’ve been that person. I’ve had a child since then. I’ve had years of hormones that have caused me to become this different person.

With all that being said, I’m still optimistic that I’m going to become a better person; I’ll be a better version of who I am right now.

Tomorrow we have a party to go to. My dad is taking the kids (which was very kind of him) and we have an annual party that we’ve been invited to go to. I didn’t know if I wanted to go or not. I am so socially awkward as of late. I don’t like socializing particularly. I always end up saying something that *I* find to be stupid and then beat myself up for the remainder of the week about said stupid comment. Normally, I follow Mike around like a lost puppy dog because I don’t know people enough to strike up a conversation with them. I stand quietly, laughing at people’s jokes and comments, but keeping to myself.

I hope this is the last function I attend where I feel this way. Without Mirena, I believe that I will be a different person, a person who socialized with everyone. One who was never found next to her boyfriend, hiding behind him, instead of enjoying myself. I believe a weight will be lifted off my shoulders, and I will no longer feel a burden to be a perfect person, socially, physically, or intellectually. I’m optimistic that I will become a new person that no longer feels ashamed of who I am because of fear of rejection or judgement. I feel like Mirena has robbed me of years of being social and having friends, and years of being apart of something great.

I don’t know… hopefully this fixes me. I may take some time, a few weeks or months. I don’t expect a large change over night… but I’m expecting something great to come of this. I’m expecting to get back who I was… social butterfly.

written on at 7:16 pm || Filed under: Health

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