I contemplating writing this entry tomorrow evening and calling it a weekly recap. My problem is that Mike is gone, Mikhail in bed, Nick at a sleepover, and I’m left to fend for myself. With nothing to do, I decided to write this entry now. I got my Discover Weekly Playlist on Spotify playing and listening to some new tunes. I guess I’ll tell you about my week. It was an interesting one, I guess.

I’m not going to break this down into days simply because I cannot remember what I did each day. Now, with that being said, I journal in my planner every single day and write down the gist of what happened. I could simply look at my planner and tell you what I did but I’m lazy and it’s late so I’m not going to bother.

Long story short, I was thrown on the floor this week. My first two days I was with this girl, J, taking calls with her. The first day she asked me some questions and after discovering I was pretty confident in myself, she decided to shut that shit down real fast. She critiqued me worse than I had ever been critiqued before. Every single thing I did was wrong. She came on me hard. After the second day, Wednesday, I left work over 25 minutes after my shift ended and the team leader came up to us like, “Nik needs to leave, what is keeping you?” and hearing over and over again every single thing I did wrong, I walked to my car and by the time I got there and close the door, I just bawled. I cried my eyes out. I came home and the boys were relentless. Nick had an attitude problem. Mikhail was pissed off about god knows what. Then I watched This is Us and the part where Randall, the perfectionist, had a breakdown, I too, had a breakdown. I just cried and cried. Mike came home and discussed what happened with me and I just cried some more. I cried until I was so utterly exhausted from the emotions I felt that I poured myself into bed and just passed out. It was my worst day yet. I say yet because I know I’ll have many worse days again. I talked to the trainer and discussed NEVER sitting with J again.

The next day, Thursday, was a little better. I wasn’t very confident. Hell, after someone tells you every single detail you’re doing wrong, your confidence is just gone. Mike informed me that J probably just wanted to knock me off my high horse and I went in there cocky as hell and she was probably like not uh, not on my watch. On Thursday, I sat with another CCR (contact center representative), who was a permanent employee. He was much kinder. Instead of saying, “This is what you’re doing wrong! YOU MUST DO IT THIS WAY!” He would give me feedback saying something like, “I see you learned it this way, but here’s how I do it. I find it a little easier doing it this way. Maybe you can try it that way too otherwise your way is fine too.” I felt so much better. Then my auditor, the person who looks over my tickets to ensure everything is safe, came over and talked my tickets with her. I asked both of them about what J had said about certain things and they were like, “Uhm, yea, no. That’s not at all how you’re supposed to be doing things.” So, I only confirmed in my head that what I was doing was alright.

Today, I got my desk. Guess what?! It is RIGHT BEHIND J! I sit right behind her! Shit! Now whenever I need help, she’s going to be the one that helps me. Fucking lovely. Now don’t get me wrong, this girl was nice. She’s almost too kind. Ya know the type, “Kill them with kindness” type. She saw me and goes, “Oh hey Nik! You’re sitting right there huh!? Well, you have me, Michelle, and other Michelle to help you out at all times!” FUCK YOU! Ok, sorry. I guess I have some reserved feelings for this girl who for all I know was just trying to help me but made me feel like absolute shit. Maybe she didn’t have ill intentions to knock me off my high horse, but my goodness, that’s how it came across to me.

Today, I sat with another core CCR who I actually trained back in 2008. The trainee becomes the trainer. She said I was doing really well. She even gave me a perfect QA (quality assurance) on one of my calls. She gave me some minor feedback when I would forget to verify something because it’s all out of order from when I was there last time but I’m getting the hang of it.

I even got a HELP sign today. The coaches (one step above a core CCR) said that the only time you would get a help sign is after you prove you’re ready to be on your own without someone sitting with you. You still have to have emergencies checked and verified but that’s one step closer to doing it on your own.

So, that’s how work went. I feel like all I do is write about work. I promise that won’t be all I write about in the coming months. Things are new and exciting and nerve-wracking right now with training and being on my own and stuff so I am going to write about all this. Besides that, when I worked there in 2011 I didn’t blog about my experience at ALL! I want to document what I’m going through this time around. Not because I don’t think I won’t be there or will leave and go back again but because I want to remember the ups and downs that I went through during the whole process.

On Monday, I may or may not be alone with my HELP sign. They may still have someone sitting with me. It will all be a matter of what they think I’m ready for. Time and practice will be on my side this time around. I just have to take my time and do my best. I have to keep trying when I get knocked down. If J decides to be hard on me again I plan to say “Ok. Thank you.” and be done with it and move on.

In other news, since I’m writing so much and don’t feel quite tired enough to turn in yet, Mike’s losing his mind. He’s having the worse time at work right now. Every single day he basically pleads to just allow him to quit his job. I am running out of things to tell him to keep him there. I hate seeing him suffer like he’s suffering. He’s in the process of looking for a new job but hasn’t found anything promising yet. His dad, who lost his job a few weeks ago, hasn’t found much of anything either. They were supervisors, so they were higher up but not that high up. Jobs require experience or education, neither in which they have, but they’re also not entry-level either. I feel absolutely awful for Mike, though. I just want to hold him tight and tell him everything is going to be OK. I tell him all the time that I understand he’s having a hard time but there’s nothing we can do. Financially we just cannot have him quit his job without having SOMETHING lined up first. He just has to suffer through it. Just like I had to suffer through OMX even though it was causing me to physically and mentally be ill each day I had to work it was so bad. I suffered working there for six months until I was able to secure something else.

Ok, that’s my cue. I’m getting tired. I have the capability to sleep in until 8:30 am tomorrow and I intend to get as much sleep as I can tonight. So, goodnight world.

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written on at 10:51pm || Filed under: Anxiety, Work

One Response to “Not a Recap”

  1. Kya says:

    That would have been really difficult with the first person that was supervising and so emotionally draining. :( I am glad that things did improve a bit and you were able to have other instructors that sounded a lot more helpful. It’s annoying that your desk is so close to them. Hopefully you won’t have to deal with them too much!

    I really hope that Mike is able to find something else. It would be really hard working in a place that you hated. :(

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