2:44pm
Pinky Dinky Doo
Tropical Punch Kool-Aid [soon]
Chicken Nuggets w/ Fries
No one

Srsly I’m hated.The title of this blog describes how I’m feeling. Its also one of the famous lines I’ve heard about 300 times in the past week. Yea, I’ve been cranky. I have been in just a horrible mood. Here’s why:

Nickolas: A few days ago, he is sitting here, he’s behaving really well. Suddenly, he asks, “Can I go to my Dad’s house?” Dammit. “No hunny, he’s busy tonight. You can see him really soon.” Start World War FUCKING 3 because Nickolas is upset. He honestly, flips a switch in his little mind and decides, ‘You said no. I’m going to make you pay.’ He suddenly doesn’t know how to listen. He’s got TONS of energy that causes him to just literally bounce off the freaking walls. You tell him to calm down and he doesn’t even consider it. You tell him “NO!” and he does it anyways. I was sitting on the computer yesterday and he is jumping on the couch. I look up at him and he goes, “Don’t you look at me” with this snotty ass attitude and basically rolled his eyes. O.O He is five years old, not fifteen!!!

Mike’s work schedule: “Alright. You always talk about how this is so horrible. It can’t be that bad! There are couples that work weird work shifts. Besides, he’s making money so your ass doesn’t have to work.” Yea. I’m well aware of all that. I feel bad for even being upset about it. Its almost over. I should be used to it because its the third year he’s been on it. But, its another cause to my crankiness. I can’t fall asleep until he comes home. I just can’t. You sleep with someone for nearly four years. Every single night falling asleep next to them. Now, take them out of the equation, fall asleep, by yourself, in a house all alone. Yea. I didn’t think you could do it so well either. I’ve even been taking sleeping pills before laying down to try to fall asleep. So, I don’t fall asleep until he comes home, which can happen sometime between 12:30 and 4am.

As of lately, I’ve been either in a lot of pain from my growing belly, completely uncomfortable, or just not tired from insomnia causing me to still not fall asleep for another hour or two after he comes home. Nickolas wakes me up, faithfully, every single day around 7am. Obviously I should know, ‘you gotta kid, go to sleep at a decent hour because you have to be able to be alive when they wake you up.’ Yea. I’ve tried. Lack of sleep, or very extremely poor sleep causes me to be cranky.

Baby: The thought of the baby being here in less than 49 days is stressful all in itself. I’m stressed because we need practically everything but we cannot buy anything until we know what I get after the baby shower. Mike got crabby with me when I brought this up. “I ask you all the time, WHAT do we need?!” Yea, but that doesn’t help the fact that I CANT buy anything! That’s why I tell you to put away money in your savings account so we have it after the baby shower, so we can get EVERYTHING we need after the baby shower. Yes. This isn’t for another three weeks. I obviously shouldn’t be worrying about it now, because its completely out of my control. BUT its who I fucking am. I am a worrier. I worry about everything. I could be completely out of control with something. It could be set in stone, but I still worry about it. It could be two years from now, I will worry about it. Its who I am! Finally, Mike: He tells me this: “Don’t worry about me.” because I bring up the fact that I still have no idea what his thoughts are. Is he okay? Has he accepted that he has a baby coming? Is he okay with it? Yes, its not in his control, but is he remotely happy about it? Does he even care? I ask myself these questions, and sure, maybe I know the answers to them, but in another sense, I don’t. He tells me. “Don’t worry about me.” Sorry Mike, I don’t think I can do that. I can’t just not worry about you. I love you, therefore I worry about you. UGH!!!

Alright, so that is what’s causing my attitude problem. I mean, there’s a lot of other little shit in between those main causes too. I’m stressed out. Apparently, I’m not ‘allowed’ to be stressed out because when I stated it today I got a look like “What the fuck do you have to be stressed out about?!” But, whatever. I swear, we get into a huge argument every single year when he’s working these hours. It makes me feel horrible. It makes him have a bad night. Its just bad. We fight right before he has to leave for work. You know what brought ALL of this on? Honestly. Macaroni and cheese. Yup. You heard it right, folks. Nickolas didn’t eat lunch while I was napping because he wouldn’t tell Mike what he wanted. So, when I woke up, I had to feed him. I wanted to make some mac and cheese, a certain kind, for the both of us, because I was hungry too. He threw a fit because ‘he didn’t like that stuff’. Ugh! So I tell him, NO this is what we’re having. Then Mike jumps in and tells him to go to his room. I go to put the mac and cheese back in the cabinet because I’m not going to fucking make it and have him throw a fit and NOT eat it anyways, so whats the point. So he’s like “NO. MAKE IT.” So, I throw the box. Nickolas goes in his room. Mike is already annoyed. I’m just irritated. So, I start cleaning up the kitchen. The box is still sitting on the floor. I start making some chicken nuggets & fries. Mike goes, “Well, are you going to pick that up?!” Uhm, Excuse fucking ME for NOT picking it up RIGHT that fucking second. I get pissed. BLOW up at him. Yada, Yada, Yada. We fight about what was stated above. “Lose your attitude problem.” — “I’m trying to, I’m just stressed out.” — Dirty look. “What are you stressed out about?” — Repeat stated above. — Argument. — He goes to work. What a lovely day? I hate when he leaves for work and we’re both in bad moods. Honestly, it just a ruin of the night. UGH! Nickolas is supposed to go to Matt’s house today. He wouldn’t tell me a time that he was picking him up. He’s pissing me off. He better fucking show. So help me god. Nickolas wants to see him so bad. Ugh! Ugh! UGH! Alright. I’m going to end this now before I get anymore upset than I already am. I just needed to get that all out.

Written on Wednesday October 22nd, 2008 at 8:07pm || Filed under: Love, Parenting ||