I’ve been writing a lot of entries lately about how I’ve been accomplishing so much. I’ve been busting my ass to change everything that I don’t like about myself and for the most part, I’m doing a great job. I’m still manic as hell, but to be quite honest, I’m not complaining. I’m pretty proud of myself with everything I’ve done lately, that’s a rare occurrence for me, so take a moment to sit down and take it all in.

As many of you know, Mike’s company Christmas Party is this Saturday. It’s a huge event for us. Well, it’s not huge as in … no it’s exactly that. We cannot wait for this to happen every year. We get all dressed up, share a hotel room for the “after party”, get really drunk, and just really have a lot of fun. It’s the one night we can go out for an actual event and we enjoy ourselves a lot. I just really like it that I’m able to go out, get completely trashed with no worries. I drank too much, and don’t feel good? No worries! I just have to go up to our hotel room and either puke, or go to bed. I don’t drink a lot often, but sometimes a girl has to have some fun at my age. I’m not 80, ya know?

Anyways, I’m not one for dressing up, but I decided, fuck it. I’m going all out this year. Mike decided to do the same also apparently. I really don’t like spending money, I especially don’t like spending money on myself. I actually had to have a few friends (thanks guys) talk me through it. I’m that over dramatic about spending money. Since I’m patiently waiting for my prize money from the Sweepstakes I won last month, I decided it’s not going to kill me to spend a little money and buy something I like. Now, I’m not particularly girlie. In fact, I hate being dressed up to an extent. I’m a tom-boy. I always have been one. So, my dressing up for my sister’s wedding was a huge deal. Well, this weekend, I had a lot of ups and downs, but regardless I bought some stuff that made me feel rather girlie.

My first mission was to find a shirt to go with my pants that I finally found after a long search last week.  I’m chubby, there’s no denying that. It’s extremely hard for me to find clothes that not only look right on me, but make me feel comfortable, let alone good. Not to mention I’m extremely picky when it comes to actual clothes. I will almost always wear a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt all day, every day, and not give a damn but when I actually want to dress up and look nice, I’m picky.

Anyways, Friday night Gwenn and I went to Kohl’s to begin this mission. I wasn’t looking forward to it, I hate shopping. I had found originally found this really cute red kimono looking shirt at Kohl’s while I was browsing online. That’s what I wanted to get. We went to the store, found the shirt, I tried it on. Fail. I looked like I was carrying pizza down under my shirt where my stomach was. Note to all of you who don’t have kids: You will end up looking like you have a pizza dough belly afterward, especially if you’re already chunky and/or lose 50lbs gain 50lbs during the entire ordeal. I was disappointed, but I didn’t want to give up. Gwenn and I searched for something else I found rather attractive and appealing. I found a few more that I thought were up to par, tried them on. Fail. Nothing. Fucking great. Now I feel like a I’m a giant fat ass. My self esteem drops dramatically. What felt like, and I really don’t think I’m exaggerating on this number, 30 shirts later, I found nothing that looked right on me or fit correctly. I went home empty handed and I was extremely disappointed.

Upon returning home with Gwenn, the boys had decided to leave to go on their excursions to get some clothes for the Christmas party at the mall. Gwenn and I hung out and I tried extremely hard to just stop being so glum. After a while, the boys returned with big ol’ smiles. You see, every year, Mike and Adam do something … different. No one ever thought they’d ever see Mike all decked out, dressed up, and in a tie. So last year’s Christmas Party, Mike and Adam decided to go all out with their dress shirts and ties. Everyone was quite impressed. Well, this year was a little different. There is a new knucklehead in the group, and all three of the boys decided this year will be the full blown decked out “ugly Christmas sweater” look. All of them found some sweet sweaters on eBay and they wanted to find some pants and other stuff to go with it. Well, they came home and tried everything on … I’m going to be killed for posting these publicly, but it’s so worth it.

Aren’t they darling? LOL well, they all decided that the corduroy pants would be awesome for the finishing touches. It was hilarious to say the least. They’re really going to “wow” them at the party. Well, since they don’t plan on wearing that get up the entire night. They decided to also buy “guido outfits“, you know, washed out jeans and an affliction t-shirt, for after dinner so they’re a lot more comfortable. Whatever. I don’t really care. Besides, Mike looks extra hot in his stuff. I’m not used to him getting all decked out. He even bought cologne! Yes, cologne! This man has never wore cologne in his life. I’m a sap for the shit. I asked him who the girl is that he’s been getting all decked out for. He replied, “You. Only you.” I can handle that.

Well, Saturday we all met up at the Mall. I decided that at this point, price is no longer an issue with finding me a shirt to wear to this party. I don’t care, as long as it looks good on me. Gwenn and I went to Torrid and started looking there. We  went straight for the clearance rack and started looking. If I was gonna save some money, I might as well try, ya know? We found three shirts there and I tried them on. There were two that looked pretty good on me, the other was meh alright, but I wasn’t extremely comfortable in it. I ended up picking the shirt that Gwenn really liked, for herself. Sorry Gwenn! You can borrow it anytime!

I also bought something else while I was there… After a discussion Gwenn and I had the previous night, I decided I wanted to buy some lingerie. I figured, I’ve never bought any. I don’t have anything that I can “feel sexy” in, so what the hell! Besides, what better time to “try it out” is while Mike and I are alone for the weekend at Chula Vista? I ended up buying this little number shown to the right. It’s not oober revealing. It’s … sexy. I feel really comfortable in it, and most importantly, I feel sexy in it. *shrugs* It will work. I just hope that Mike likes it and that he appreciates it. I’m sure he will, but we’re not going to get into that right now. Either way, this was the ultimate “you’re definitely becoming more girlie” item I bought this weekend.

So, there you have it. That’s the shirt I got. I think it looks alright on me. It does look way better on Gwenn, but I really didn’t feel like bothering with trying more clothes on. Besides that, the boys were extremely impatient that day. So, after some Starbucks, we went and met up with the boys. We went back home and all hung out for the night.

Mike and I had to go back to the store on Sunday because they had forgot the security ink tag thing on my shirt. While we were there, I decided to go to the Icing to look at what kind of jewelery they had there. I wanted to get some earrings and maybe some bracelets or something to wear for the party. I have had my ears pierced since I was six months old, and I hardly ever wear them. I don’t know why other than the fact they bother me most of the time. I found some really cute heart earrings, and I got some dangle ones too. (which I really don’t wear but I figured, what the hell. I’m going to make myself look hot.) I also got some eye shadow that was on clearance for $2.00 each.I was really impressed with them and figured, why the hell not, just by them. So, I did, and I was quite happy with them. I put the earrings in right away to make sure that my ears were still opened and didn’t decided to close up. I had no problems. Yay!

Needless to say, we had a very productive, busy weekend. Next weekend is the Christmas party so that will be busy as well, the following weekend Mike and I take our anniversary/valentine’s day weekend getaway from everything. I spent way too much money this weekend. Was it worth it? Of course it was. Do I feel good about doing it? Eh. That’s tough to say. I feel good about myself that I bought stuff to make myself feel better, happier, sexier, more attractive, etc. I feel bad that I spent as much as I did, but that’s a whole new topic for another time.

Written on Monday January 25th, 2010 at 10:42pm || Filed under: Friends ||