Alright, so time to tell the tale of what happened last week… I’ve been completely avoiding this due to not wanting to completely type it out, and I forgot some of what happened. Alright… so the explanation:

Nick’s dad, Matt, finally called. He called me back on Sunday. Now, remind you he’s been M.I.A for the past few weeks. He hasn’t answered my called, etc. Alright, so I ask him where he’s been. He replies with saying, “I’ve been going through some personal problems in my life, had to take care of somethings.” Now, I’m not the type of person to just let him slide. So, I probed for more answers, asking away. Where have you been? Whats going on? What is so personal, and so bad, that you can’t even call your son? His reply:– “I didn’t call you because no excuse is good enough for you. I cannot tell you what happened right now, because there are too many people around. I’ll tell you at another time, preferably in person.”This obviously wasn’t enough for me. I wanted to know where the hell he had been for the past few weeks, why he ignored my text messages, and his voice mail left by Nickolas. I was so beyond pissed off that he had to have one GOOD reason for me to forgive it. Then it happened, he told me what was going on.– “I can’t tell you names, or very many details right now. Basically what happened was someone fell down the stairs. They cracked their head open. They were bleeding everywhere. So I ran inside, and grabbed a rag and held their head together. I called the ambulance, and sat there with the person until they came. Well, I had cuts on my hands from work. Turned out the person who fell down the stairs, has HIV. So, for the past few weeks, I’ve been getting tests done.” Me… Well, I’m speechless. Is it the truth? Thats a pretty elaborate story! I dont know what to believe at this point. Did he go sleep around, and get HIV from not using protection during a drunken night of sex? Did he have open wounds, does he have HIV?! At this point, I’m just full of questions. He said he really couldn’t talk about it though. So he tells me:– “I don’t have anything. I went through tons of testing, and it all came back negative. So you don’t have anything to worry about.” Alright. Good. He don’t have anything. I begin to ask him when and if he wants to see Nickolas, and he tells me yea. He also informed me that he had off all day Tuesday, so he’d come on Monday to come get him around 7pm. I disconnect with him, and tell Mike. Mike made some good points, about the stuff he was telling me. Is it true? Is he lying? Did he really just sleep around? Wait, doesn’t results from an HIV test take months, sometimes years to come back with positive/negative results that are real? I begin to wonder more… Not being able to ask the entire story, I instead call him back and say this:– “I don’t think its a good idea to see Nickolas right now. Test results can be a false negative for a long time. We don’t know for sure that you haven’t caught anything. I really think its best we wait before you see Nickolas, at least until you know for sure.”So I began to think… Who am I to tell Nickolas he cannot see his dad? Or vise versa, who am I to tell Matt he cannot see Nickolas? Its bedtime, I’ll think about all of this tomorrow.At work the next day, I was having a really tough time. I asked some of my co-workers what they knew about the virus, and such. They said, it does take months before finding out… I decided I need the entire story. I texted Matt about 15 times saying, “I’d like to talk to you about this. Call me after work, or come over and we can sit and talk about this. Then I’ll make the decision of whether or not you can see him.” It took me a while, but he finally called me. He told me that he spoke with his friends about this, and he did the right thing. I agreed, helping a friend who is injured was a perfectly fine choice. I wanted to know the whole story though. So he explained to me again what happened, told me that none of his wounds were open. Told me that he took tons of tests, and the doctors said that the chance of him having it was extremely small. He said that he was given shots in his hands, along with precautionary pills. He also told me that he has to go back in 6 months and get retested, if those results are negative, then he can put everything behind him. The doctors said that he should live his life like he has been because there is hardly any chance he got anything. Alright. So I tell him, with this knowledge of what happened. I’ve made the decision that you can see Nickolas under two conditions. A.) If Nickolas is injured, I want to be notified ASAP. I don’t care if its a skinned knee, or a bump on the head. I want to know. B.) If he is injured to the point where he is bleeding. I want you to take him to your mom, or your aunt’s house next door, I do not want you to handle it. If it is impossible to have someone else handle it, wear gloves. That was all I asked. Seemed reasonable. So, I asked if he was going to take him, and he kept saying he’d come around 7:30pm. Granted no, he never said “Yes. I’m going to take him.” But he did say, I’ll be there tonight. So this is where it gets fucked up… I’m under full impression that he’s coming to take Nickolas over night. Nickolas, is also under this impression. So, Nickolas goes, gets dressed. Puts on his coat, and waits in front of the door. Matt didn’t show until around 8:30pm, which is after Nickolas’ bed time. Nickolas is ready to go. Matt decides, he’s not taking him. So we’re talking, and then it turns into arguing. Nickolas keeps saying, “C’mon Daddy, lets go!!!” Matt starts playing games… Basically he goes:– “Nickolas, do you want to come with, Daddy?”– “Yes. Lets go. Daddy, do you want to go?”– “Yes. I love you.”WTF IS THAT?! Now, he’s playing mind games with a four year old little boy, HIS SON! I get pissed at this point. He informs me that I said I wouldn’t let him have him, so he made plans. I start arguing with him, “So you want to go out with your friends instead of see your son who hasn’t seen you in nearly a month?!” So, at this point, Nickolas is just confused. I tell Nickolas straight out, “Daddy doesn’t want to take you. He wants to go out with his friends.” Nickolas doesn’t want to believe it. He keeps telling Matt, “Lets go, Dad.” So I tell Matt, now fully in a pissed off mood. “TELL YOUR SON WHY YOU WONT TAKE HIM!” He gets on his knees to Nickolas’ level and goes, “You’re mommy thinks I’m sick. I’m going to take a vacation for a while. I’m going to prove to Mommy that there is nothing wrong. I will take you after she lets me.” OMFG! At this point, I’m absolutely fuming. I start screaming at him that he needs to tell him the truth. I tell Nickolas again that “Daddy isn’t taking him.” This time, Nick goes to the couch and cries. Matt feels hurt. I tell him, see how do you like watching your son’s heart break. EVERY TIME you pull this, I have to do it!” So Matt calls Nickolas over, and tells him to take off his coat, that he loves him and gives him a kiss. Nickolas unzipped his coat, and then went to sit on the couch again. He never took off his coat, instead he wrapped his arms around himself and closed his coat with his hands. I asked, “Why won’t you take off your coat, Nickolas?” He said, “Because, I know my daddy wants to take me.” So, Matt and I begin to argue again. He starts to walk out the door. I grabbed him by the back of his neck and threw him into the house again. Slammed the door. Now, I’m in his face, just screaming. Its fucking bull shit what you’re doing to your son, etc. Even longer story short… He starts to get in my face, Mike… Who, by the way, has been sitting at the computer desk the entire time, just listening, not saying anything because if he would’ve gotten up, Matt would probably be dead right now. After Matt starts getting in my face, Mike turns around, gives him this look like, “You better watch your tone.” And Matt knocks it off. So more arguing and screaming happens. Nickolas has now realized his dad isn’t taking him. Matt says goodbye to him once more. Nickolas goes to the edge of the couch, and very dramatically, falls to his knees. He gets this face on him, like you can just see his heart shatter in a thousand pieces. I told Matt, “Do you see him? Do you see what I have to go through every time you disappear, or you don’t answer his phone call. You’re a pitiful excuse for a father, and I want you out of my house!” So he starts to walk out, I jump at him, with no intentions of hitting him, and he ducked. He got out the door way, and turned around with his face towards the door. I slammed it. I’m pretty sure it hit him. I sat down, and just started crying. Nickolas, by the time he seen him walk out was balling too. I told him to come here… He jumped in my lap and just cried. He said his daddy didn’t love him anymore… How fucking heart breaking is that?! I calmed him down… and finally put him to bed around 11pm. …So thats the story. Its now Friday, this all happened on Monday. I texted Matt about an hour ago, saying: — Are we going to attempt this again, because Nickolas still wants to go to your house, and is sad because you never took him. Make it up to him…– (His reply) Sorry.– For what?– Everything– You should have seen him Matt. He cried for two hours. He was so tired at school the next day, I had to go pick him up. So the question is, are you going to make this better?– Yes– When is this going to happen?– I’m at work right now, and can’t talk. We’ll talk about this later.– I’m sorry for bothering you. Talk to you later about it then.Guess we’ll see what happens…. *sigh*

Written on Friday February 1st, 2008 at 2:32pm || Filed under: Parenting ||