Its amazing…
I’m sitting here, completely amazed with the people who are around me on a daily basis. My family. My friends. My loved ones. My enemies… No one knows who I really am; except for maybe Mike. Even he might not understand what I go through every day and every night.
Today, after having a very frustrating day; I wrote the following on my facebook page: “My head hurt. I want to take an actual nap. I want to sleep in someday. I need a vacation … without the boys. Do I ask for too much?” I got two responses, from one person, my Stepmom’s Mom. Basically in short terms saying that I have kids and its my responsibility to take care of them, and that I can nap when I’m old and gray. This set me off.
I’m a very irritable person as of lately. The littest shit will piss me off and keep me angry for hours, days, sometimes even weeks. I am unable to control this anger. Half the time I don’t even know why I get so upset about that exact thing. It’s just how my mind works, and I have no control over this.
What amazes me the most … When I publicly go off on tangents and rants, let’s say, on Facebook. People get really taken back by it, and sometimes even scared/worried. “Omg. I have never heard you talk like that. Why are you so upset. What are you so mad about?” Etc. They have no idea there’s this other side of me. The unpleasant, very unhappy, depressed girl deep inside. Most of the time, I keep her hidden, but as of lately its been harder and harder. I’m begining to lose control of my ability to hide who I really am. My emotions are becoming uncontrolable to others. This is all new to me.
Normally, I’m REALLY good at holding myself back and keeping it in when I’m around others. I also don’t like to share my emotions or true feelings around others. As you can tell by my latest posts; I’ve been opening up a lot more. Saying a lot more.
People are going to start seeing who I really am as a person. They’re not going to like it one bit. I’ve lost control of hiding my deep dark secrets. I’ve lost control of hiding this disease. I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.
Your Stepmother’s Mother is a motherfucker. No offence to you — All the offence in the world to her.
What a cunt, seriously — You’re completely entitled to want a break from your boys and husband and everyone else now and again. It’s totally normal in every sense of the word. All mothers go through periods of time where they’re like, ‘Holy shit, I love these guys, but today they’re acting like dumbfucks and I want a vacation.’ Or even, ‘Holy shit, I love these guys, and they’re being perfectly sweet today, but I STILL want a fuckin’ vacation.’
The old biddy has no clue what she’s talking about — This isn’t the 1950s anymore, lady. Jesus. -_-;
I’m proud of you for starting to say what’s on your mind, BTW — I’m no psychiatrist, but I’m like 99% positive it’s extremely healthy for one’s mental well-being, haha.
That and art — I’ve been feeling better about myself lately purely from writing poetry and drawing again! O_O;
Your stepmom’s mom is such a pain in the ass with her response so I can’t blame you if you’re feeling that way. If you wanna go and relax, you’re free to do so at least once in awhile.
I’m usually expressive with my emotions so it’s like on my part, what you see is what you get. Good luck in “coming out” and showing people who you really are. You know what they say, you can’t please everybody.
Who cares what people think, be you! you’ll know who matters when you do, do that.
as for the break, I told you that the other day. you deffinatly need one.
Your step mother’s mom sounds like a bitch.
I bet she and everyone who were going”wtf? how can she say that?” would like a vacation from the whole worl, but no one would admit it.
Even parents need a break. Even I who don’t have kids need a break sometimes so it seems to me that someone with kids needs it even more than I do.
Just because you’re a parent it doesn’t mean you should stop living your own life. You should go away on your own. Go to a spa, go camping, go wherever. Take some time off from everything and clear your head.
You can’t just live for everyone around you. You have to try to live for yourself aswell. I really hope you somehow can do that. You deserve some of that so called “me-time”. A break from everything.