Thrice – Red Sky
Time: 10:58pm
Mood: Extremely Fusterated :yelling: …

That is my question for the day. Is anyone ever one-hundred percent happy with their life?. Honest answer… No. You’d think I’d be happy. Life is starting to come together once again. I got a job. A really good paying job. Mike’s mom took me out clothes shopping for new work clothes. Bought about $100 worth of tons of really professional and nice looking clothes. She says she wants me out of sweats, which is fine. I havent gone actual clothing shopping for myself in years. So, why is it that I’m so unhappy?

I quit that game today, officially. I just didnt like how I was being treated by my team mates. Being that I’m only 20 years old, and they were all much older and more informed on whats going on around the world, I felt as though I had absolutely no input in anything we did. It took the last straw when someone had said that “nothing we created was ever as nice” as a basic, plain bull shit page builder website. That srsly, got my heart a racing. I was going to snap, Mike told me to get off the computer before I lost it. I told them that I was quitting and they basically said, “Well, we dont need you anyways.” Wow, how important do I feel. That made me feel so low. I understand its a game, and they’re people I’ll never see in my RL but it was still hurtful. *sigh*

Matts been taking Nickolas on a pretty good basis now. Which is suprising and a new shock. He’s still pulling the shit of only wanting to take him for a little while here and there, but its better than him disappearing all together. Its funny, because Nickolas is old enough to tell me what happens and what goes on. Theres no lying anymore. It was pretty funny because Matt must’ve gotten plans or something on Saturday night. He called me and had Nickolas talk to me, “Mommy, I want to go to Mom’s house” without skipping a beat, I said, “Tomorrow buddy. You come home tomorrow.” Its not that I wanted to force Nickolas to stay there. I knew Matt had told him to say that on the phone, and he had gotten plans. Whether he likes it or not, if he says he’s going to take his son, he’s going to see his son.

Tomorrow, I finally go to the dentist. I broke a tooth a few days ago, and I’ve been in such massive pain I just want to cry and cry. It hurts so bad. Some of you might know I have a pretty high tolerance when it comes to tooth pain (i’ve had 13 root canals done last year within a 4 month time span) I figured out why my teeth are decaying so bad… It all started when I became pregnant with Nick. I had morning sickness really bad, the acids from my stomach that kept coming up from getting sick so much started to decay my teeth. Then it didnt stop there when I started getting heartburn and acid reflux. The acids from that in my throat and such are also causing my teeth to decay. It really sucks because there nothing I can do about it. No matter how much I brush my teeth they’re just going to keep rotting away. I have had so much work done on my teeth its unreal. I wish they’d just pull them and give me dentures at times. *SIGH* I’m not even 21 and I’m already thinking about how I’m not longer going to have any of my teeth.

Needless to say, its been a pretty up and down week. I’ve been going nuts. I’m extremely unhappy lately. Its more than likely because I havent been taking my pills… I’ve kinda been on a spree of forgetting to take them again. *Sigh* I have so much I want to do with my life and I never feel as though I have the motivation to get up and do it! Someday I’ll learn better… until then I sit here and write. Well, yeah, thats all I wanted to tell you guys. I’ll be on a hell of a lot more now that I’m done with those people on the DIS boards and done with that contest. TTYL everyone.

Written on Tuesday January 16th, 2007 at 2:09am || Filed under: Life with Bipolar ||