What a day this has been, and its not even over yet. I’ve just been irritated and crabby all day today. I hate that Mike and I say no more than 20 some words an entire day prior to him going to work. He wakes up and goes to the computer. Which is fine, he wants to spend some time doing whatever before having to go to work. Then, I normally say fuck it and go take a nap because I’m either tired, crabby, or just do. Otherwise, if I’m awake, we just sit there, in our own little worlds completely cut off from each other. Its fucking annoying.

Nickolas has been on my nerves today. All day long he’s been getting yelled at over and over for the same things. “Nick get off that chair. You’re not supposed ot play on the shelf. Get your toys off the shelf. Nickolas I told you, you’re not supposed to play on the shelf. GET THE DAMN TOYS OFF THE SHELF!” Holy shit fucking listen to me the first god damn time and then “I wont be yelling at you all the day.”

I hate this fucking apartment. The wash machine is broken. The stove only has one burner that works, there are two other ones that are completely off centered that they burn almost everything that is cooked on them. The stove… for something that should take 10 minutes at 350 degrees takes 50 minutes at 500 degrees. The fridge has a huge crack in it so everything that is on the bottom shelf always falls to the floor when you open the door. Nearly everything either freezes or doesn’t get cold. They refuse to give us a new one because there simply isn’t any money to do so. “If you want a new one, go buy one and put the ones you have in storage.” Its government funded housing, first off, this is an apartment building, you should provide us the fucking shit. Secondly, if I had the money to afford a brand new stove and fridge, I wouldn’t be living in government funded housing! I hate this fucking place. I want to be out of her so badly. Its cheap. We can afford it. But jesus fucking christ… I’m mad at the fact that I’m not able to work. That all the money Mike’s getting for busting his ass at work is going to bills and that he can’t get anything for himself. I’m mad at the fact that even if I did have my license (which will never happen) we couldn’t afford to have a second car anyways! I am so angry towards so much shit right now. I just want to scream. I want everything to be good. I should be grateful for a lot of stuff that I do have, but its so hard. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful we have a roof over our heads and that we’re not stuck living with one of our parents. I’m grateful that Mike has the ability to work to pay off the bills that we have. I am grateful that I am able to go without working during this pregnancy. I am grateful, just fucking irritated. Ugh!

Edit:Alright, so now that I’ve calmed down a wee bit. I decided to write some more. So Sammy made me two new link buttons; They turned out wicked cute. I’ve added them to the link me page. So check ‘em out. Use ‘em. Do whatever you please. I made out a shopping list, meal list, and cleaning list while Nickolas was in the bathtub. We get our food stamps [finally]. So, we get to get some good groceries for once. We were going to the grocery store every couple of days and buying random crap to eat. I’m ready for some meals. I made the list out of stuff I want to actually cook. I guess its a waste in a way though. Mike won’t be home to eat it. He won’t take left-overs to work to eat. Whatever. I miss cooked home-style meals. I have a huge list of stuff I need to do when Nickolas is at Matt’s this week too. He is going to be gone from Monday until Wednesday. I have to get my bedroom done. Most of it I’m more than likely am not going to be able to do because I’m not allowed to lift stuff, which will more than likely include moving a king size bed and a very heavy dresser. o.O;; Ugh! Alright, I suppose, I’m going to try to get Nickolas to calm the hell down. Its raining outside, and there’s actually lightening and thunder. Which, I didn’t think would happen because its fairly cold out. Alright. I’m out for now.

Filed under: Struggles ||