I try hard to not have a jumbled mess of an entry
I’ve been doing an excellent job of having a strict categorized entry. I’ve been writing one topic, per entry, which ends up falling in one category. Easy enough, right? Wrong. Anyways, I wanted to keep that going, but unfortunately I have days like the previous two days where there was so much madness going on that I couldn’t just write one small categorized entry and be done with it. Therefore, that leaves me to start my overly done random rambling entry …
Firstly, high school drama; I have no reason to have it, for I am not in high school. So why on earth do these people decide to bring me in to it? I have a Facebook account. I use my Facebook strictly for friends/family. I post a lot of shit on my page. Why? I am an open book. I always have been, I have no reason to sugarcoat bull shit, put a smile on my face, and act happy just because that’s what people want to hear.
So, long boring overdrawn story short, I had some drama yesterday with some girl from high school. She wrote me a nasty letter in my inbox about how I need to leave her name out of my mouth. How I sit there and give advice and act nice, then go behind her back, and become two-faced giving all her information to others. Basically, she likes drama, revolves her life around drama, and tries to bring people in to it. She accused me of talking to my (ex) best friend and telling her and her boyfriend (which is this girl’s baby daddy) everything this girl has said on her feed. I owned up to questioning my (ex) best friend about what she had said FOUR months ago about her being a drug addict. I also print screened what she said and sent it to my (ex) best friend to just find out what the truth was. Four months later, she accuses me of telling her all her shit.
So, what did I do? I explained what I had done four months ago. I owned up to what I had said. I apologized if I was out of line for what I did. Told her that she was completely rude and out of line for saying the stuff she said to me. I then deleted her, along with every one else from High School.
I used to revolve my life around making these girls happy. I wanted to be them. I was jealous of them. I wanted their respect, acceptance, and friendship. But then, I took a step back and asked myself, “Why would you do it now?” They are not a part of your life now. They are nothing to you other than old memories of good times. I deleted everyone and decided this, “I am now better than them. I have my own place to live and I’m not living with my parents. I have two beautiful, healthy children. I have a man that loves me and that I love with all my heart.” They’re jealous. I don’t need it. Good-bye from my life. It really upset me for a long time after the whole situation of it happened; but that’s how I am. I care too much about what others think. I am attempting to put a stop to that now.
Moving along to my next topic, talking to the social worker; Two days ago, I made the decision to give my oldest son’s teacher an email asking her if there was any way that I could have Nickolas sit down with her and maybe get her opinion and have him open up to her about what’s been going on. He’s having a massive issue with everything his Dad is putting him through, not to mention stuff at school. I thought maybe if we had a third party come in, analyze what’s been going on in his head, we could get some help with it. Also, quite frankly, I had no idea where to turn or what to do next.
Instead of hearing back from his teacher, I got a phone call from the social worker at school. She asked me what was going on, what I wanted from her, and what our plan of action was. She wanted to know some of the back story behind what my life, family, and relationships consist of as of lately. I explained everything. I didn’t hold back – I wanted to but I didn’t. I told her how Nickolas is having a rough time with Matt. I explained how Matt has been acting towards Nickolas and all the nonsense he has been putting him through. I told her I had bipolar in which I’m currently trying to take care of.
Needless to say, I like to call it – I shared all of my dirty little dark skeletons from my closet that I am ashamed of. I really wonder if people realize how hard that is for me. Telling someone, a complete stranger everything that is going on in your life that you are not proud of just to make sure that your son gets the help he needs.
After a long winded conversation with her, and her reassuring me that it wouldn’t be normal if Nickolas didn’t act out after all the stress and bull shit his father put him through. We decided that he should see someone for counseling or maybe even a psychologist for therapy. She told me that it was very important that I get my bipolar taken care of and that it’s vital for my relationship and parenting for my children that I tackle it. She also told me that I have to stop blaming myself and being so hard on myself because I told her, “I honestly feel as though majority of Nick’s issues is entirely my fault. I feel as though my actions at home, mainly from the bipolar, have rubbed off on him. I never wanted to cause him to be this way.” So, she told me that I need to stop beating myself up for everything I say and do. Nickolas will grow up and be whoever he ends up being because that was how he was born, from you, Matt, and everything, not just me. I already knew all this. It’s just different hearing it from a stranger.
So, what my plan of action is this, I am going back to the psychiatrist to see what new cocktail of drugs they give to me. While I am there, I’m going to ask for recommendations, referrals, or resources for Nickolas to get the help he needs. The social worker wants to stay in touch with me and keep up with how my treatment is going. She also informed me that Nickolas more than likely won’t open up to her, but since she’s in his classroom twice a week anyways; she’ll keep an eye on everything that’s going on with him and let me know of any problems and concerns.
So, we’ll see what happens next… I don’t have much more to talk about other than those two main things. I will have to figure out what the next post will be about. We’ll see what happens next.
Try to never be ashamed that you have bipolar disorder. It’s not something you can prevent. If someone else thinks it’s a shameful thing then that’s their problem. You did the right thing alerting the school counselor about what was going on with Nickolas. I’m glad you’re going to seek professional help. That will make a big difference.
.-= Sheri´s last blog ..Hiding in the Fog =-.
I think you did the right thing removing those people from your life. I have a simple little philosophy, rule or whatever to call it. I don’t hang out with people who make me feel bad in any way, be it because of drama or whatever. There’s really no reason to keep people who are bad for you in your life just because you used to be friends. I look back at a lot of the people I hung out with as a kid and think “why the hell was a friends with that person?”.
Sorry to hear that you had to talk to the social worker but hopefully things might get better with Nickolas if he can get some help. I can only imagine the stress he must be feeling going through all that shit with his father at such a young age.
Wow, that girl is really ridiculous. Like you said, her life just revolves around drama and she probably expected you to stoop to her level and come back at her the same way. I think you did the right thing and obviously is shows which one is the adult here. I blocked anyone from sending me messages whom aren’t on my friends list (on Myspace) and I refuse to add ANYONE who I had drama with. It’s definitely helped a lot. And let me tell you, about a year ago, I finally FULLY stopped caring what people thought, it’s so much easier and less stressful. Try as hard as you can and it’ll make things a little easier on you. I still think you’ve come a long way.
Obviously it was hard talking to the social worker, but you talking to her and letting her know things you don’t want to tell everyone shows that you’re trying. I agree that you don’t need to beat yourself up about things, but we all know that’s easier said then done. I’ve been putting of seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist. for quite awhile, but I think it may help you and Nick a lot.
Whoa what is it with high school drama following you everywhere, I don’t add anyone I had drama with, personally I think they are jealous you are doing better them then!
.-= Damita´s last blog ..Yet more snow… =-.