My health has been crap since Monday. I have gotten sick more times than I can count. I believe it has something to do with either Lithium toxicity and/or withdraws from Klonopin spiking its two-week peak. I don’t know but I’m miserable. On top of throwing up and going to the bathroom every 20-30 minutes, I have a massive all-day headache, and now I can add super cramps on top of that. It’s really bad right after I take my pills and in the morning until mid-afternoon. Which leads me to believe it’s more Lithium than anything. My anxiety keeps telling me, “you’re dying, Nik. This is it. This is the end.” Lord knows I have enough other shit wrong with me, why not add another physical illness on top of it.

Other than that, I’ve been laying low. Since I last wrote, I’ve been getting the boys to bed and ready for school. Today was Mikhail’s first day of school. He did great this morning. I hope he has a good day and comes home with nothing but smiles and excitement to go back and complete all of the 3rd grades with no remorse. I hope the same success for Nick, too.  May they both have excellent years this year.

Also, I saw my therapist for the first time. She’s young. Like, either my age or younger than me. She seemed to listen well and probe for more answers when I grew tired of talking about different topics. She asked about abuse history and I explained the nonsense that went with that. “I’m unsure if I was abused. I could have been… I was sexually involved and aware at a very young age; I was five years old to be exact. Could there have been some form of a sexual encounter that I blacked out? possibly. I just simply do not know.”  I told her about the boys and the stress that I endure from them. She asked me if there were any relationship problems with Mike. I explained there really wasn’t. “We’re happy. Still madly in love.”

“How long have you been with, Mike?”

“We’ve been together thirteen years in January. Doesn’t feel like it because we still love one another and tolerate each other well.”

She seems alright. I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt and hoping things build well between us. Only time will tell.

Other than that, not a whole lot has been going on. Mike just text me saying he got an email saying the office was closing at 3 pm today, so that’s exciting. I don’t know if he’ll stay home tonight or if he’ll make plans with his buddies. I can only assume he’ll have plans with them for tomorrow too. He’s typically gone every Saturday. That’s fine by me because who am I to tell him no, you must stay home and do nothing at all with your family instead of hanging out with your friends and get something productive done.

I even have pictures to add to this blog post but I’m super lazy and don’t feel like it. So, if you wanna see my latest pictures check out my Instagram or Facebook accounts.

I haven’t cleaned in over four days. The house isn’t a mess and anything that has needed to be done Nick has done. He’s been a real trooper and has done almost every single thing I’ve asked of him this summer without little argument or complaint. He’s gotten a bunch of stuff for it too. He has earned what he has gotten. Next step is finding him an actual job that hires 14-year-olds. He says he’d be able to handle a job, no problem. Mike and I are skeptical about that. He holds very little responsibility for himself so that will be interesting. Maybe he’ll be like my sister and strive at an actual job compared to personal and at home goals. *shrugs* Guess we won’t know until it happens and sees how it goes.

Alright. I’m going to work on my Prismacolor pencil chart that I started last night. I want to finish it so I can get to coloring again. I bought a new pencil case that holds 168 pencils and now all of my Prismacolor pencils are in ONE place. I had bought the following in Prismacolor:

  • 12 pack set with basic red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, black, white hues
  • 132 pack set with a wide array of colors
  • 18 pack of the remaining colors to make a full 150 set
  • 5 additional pencils to replace the ones that were getting low

So now, they’re all in ONE place, doubles and all. I am hoping this makes coloring a thousand times easier. The cases I had for my pencils were long and very hard to maneuver. Not to mention, my colors were in three different cases so when I wanted to switch colors it was a lot of wasted time to open one case to the other and they just took up so much room. This case is the size of my planner, so half page size, and maybe an inch higher than my planner. Much easier.

Talk to you all soon.

written on at 2:11 pm || Filed under: Coloring, Health, Ohana, Parenting

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