God came close to bringing me out of the hole
Well, bingo was fun. I was ONE number away from winning the jackpot of $500. That would’ve brought me out of the hole from being in so much debt. I guess god wasn’t ready to give me a tunnel out. I received a letter today from my apartments too. I live in low income housing that is funded by the state. Currently I’m only receiving child support, which is a whole whopping $200 a month. That’s my total income. Because of that, I get rent free. Well, I received a letter today saying that “zero income” household members must now show receipts and ways of payment for EVERYTHING. Including, electric, heat, food, toiletries, cleaning supplies, gas, clothes, cable, phone, etc. Lovely, just lovely. How am I to explain that? I mean… I pay what I can with my child support. I get food stamps, (THANK GOD)… I pay a bare minimum to my cable and electric just enough so they don’t shut me off, and then Mike sometimes pays the cell phone bill. *sigh* Then I don’t really buy anything else. I haven’t bought anything for my son in months. I haven’t bought any new clothes for myself since I had some extra money during tax time. My mom helps me out every now and then when one of my things I use is about to be shut off.
I’ve hit an ultimate low right now. Even with my anti-depressants its really hard for me not to just cry my eyes out. Everyone says there’s always a light at the end of the dark tunnel, I’m just sadly not seeing it anytime soon. I wish there was a way for us to just get out of this long dark hole that we’re in. I’ve been applying to jobs left and right. I’ve been applying at places I shouldn’t even THINK about applying at because I have no idea how I can get there. (I don’t drive, and taking a bus to daycare and then to place of employment is more difficult than you think). Its just, so… frustrating. I’ve talked to Mike about all this, and he says he feels really bad about not being able to help out more with the situation, but it just never feels like its enough. Nothing will feel like its enough unless I have these bills paid and I’m able to buy my son what he needs. Maybe I’ll just get rid of the internet, and my phone. Sit here at home alone with my son all day long and we’ll play with a ball or something. *sigh* I wish life wasn’t so difficult, then again, it wouldn’t be life if it were easy. I just wish sometimes, I didn’t have such a hardship of a life… *sigh* I’m done complaining now… I’m going to try to sleep.
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