Well, my first official week of work has been completed.

I feel a lot differently about today than I did yesterday. Yesterday was nerves. My god, I was so nervous. They threw me on the register right away and after watching my coworker ring out three people, it was my turn. I had to jump in with no floaties. I didn’t get many tips on what to say exactly so I have a feeling I’m going to be dinged on that some day but for now I’m doing the best I could.

The first day on the register went really quick. We had the ad to rip up and sort. That made time go by SO much faster. We chit chatted for a little while and I learned some of the ropes.

Time seemed to fly by and before I knew it, it was lunch time. I had my PB&J with confidence that I was doing pretty good for my first day. I went back and finished out my last two hours and I was done. I came home and the house was still in one piece. The boys didn’t come up to my running and screaming “NICK DID ____! MIKHAIL DID ___!” I walked in. They said hello and I went and talked to Lynn for a short while. I figured out dinner and cooked and cleaned. My feet weren’t sore, I was OK!

Today was a little different. Today I was more so on my own. I felt slow and as though I wasn’t doing things properly or fast enough to my own standards. See, that’s my problem! I set myself up to these ridiculous standards to be a perfectionist, yet again. Anyway, I came home and felt defeated. I felt as though I wasn’t good enough. Everyone said I did fine today. My manager said “You did good today, Nik. You seem to be getting the hang of it pretty quickly and you should be on your own before we know it.” However, I didn’t feel confident. I didn’t feel good at all. I came home and tried explaining how I felt to my sister, then Mike, then my Mom, but no one understood. How do you explain you had an OK day with no major hiccups but still felt like it wasn’t a good day?

I don’t know. I’ve tried to shake the feeling all day today. It’s really hard to explain. It went alright today. I did a few screw ups and maybe in the back on my mind I’m blowing those minor screw ups into something VERY big because of my perfectionist attitude and mindset.

I have the next three days off so I have plenty of time to put it past me.

We’ll see what next week holds, right?


written on at 8:42 pm || Filed under: Accomplishments

One Response to “First Week Completed”

  1. Sheri says:

    I’m the same way. I don’t care how many times someone tells me my bread was great, the cookies were delicious, my speech went well, I know I did terribly because… So I lay in bed at night going over everything that I did “wrong.” I was raised by a perfectionist, and unfortunately passed it on to my girls. That right there is the main reason why I try so hard not to expect perfection from myself anymore. It wasn’t that I expected perfection from my girls, just the opposite, it’s that they learned it by my example. So remember that one little thing – while you may not be demanding perfection of the boys, they will see that you demand it of yourself. I’m sure the manager wouldn’t have said you did well if you hadn’t, you’ll be fine.

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