So I got in to it with Nick’s dad yesterday. I have been contemplating trying to get full custody for Nick. For the main reason that Matt has been disappearing the past few months/years. What happens if something happens to Nick and I need to make decisions regarding his well being and Matt is M.I.A? I want the capability of knowing I’m safe in making ALL legal decisions for Nick. Without having to worry about hunting down Matt when it comes time to needing that decision made and never coming back and biting me in the ass.

There are two options here… I can either file paper work with the court system, go down to the court house and do everything pro se (without a lawyer and by myself completely), figure out a way to serve Matt he legal documents and then fight him in court OR I can just get him to sign off on it and be done with it. I decided to try my hand at the second option. **The following is written to the best of my abilities from my memory. Word for word verbatim probably isn’t the case here.**

I text him asking for his address. He finally got back to me and responded with “What’s up?”

“I just need your address for something.”

“I bet.”

“That’s fine. I can get it elsewhere. No worries. Just thought I’d ask first.”

“You got my address when I moved and the court has my address.”

“Ok. I didn’t know if you were in the same apartment. Nick said you switched apartments.”

“Nope. Still the same.”

“Ok thank you.”

“So I can expect papers coming?”

“Someday, unless you agree with me and just sign off on it and we don’t go to court.”

This prompted him to call me. He asked me what the hell that was supposed to mean? “What do you want, Nik?” (abbreviated to save me from being googled – he said and will only say my full name.)

“I want full custody.”

“Like hell. I will fight you to the death. I will get the best lawyers out there. I have my lawyer John… and we will fight you.”

“Why would you fight it? I just want to legally make decisions for Nick’s well being if the time ever arises and you’re MIA.”

“Why so you can throw the paperwork in my face and tell the police department that you have legal rights to tell me I can’t see him.”

“You clearly don’t know what custody means.” I explain to him once again what custody was. Remind you, the entire time I am very calm. I don’t raise my voice more than just being loud (meaning I was never shouting or screaming), I never got upset, I never broke down, and most of all I never let him get the best of me and break me.

“Fuck that! You’re not getting full custody AND getting all my money. I don’t fucking think so! I’ll fight you.”

“Again Matt, this has nothing to do with child support. It has everything to do with the legalities of whether or not I can make life altering decisions for Nick if the time comes.”

“You get enough of my fucking money. You aren’t getting another dime from me.”

“You mean the $237 a month I get? Let me break it to you, Matt, that doesn’t pay for SHIT. How about the TWO pairs of shoes I had to get Nick for school this year. That’s $200 right there. Not to mention the school supplies, the school clothes, the student fees, the lunch fees, and everything else. Your precious $237 doesn’t go very far.”

“Oh the school clothes? The trash you put Nick in. He looks like a trashy fat slob just like you. What the hell did you do to him? His hair is trash. Why don’t you fucking take him out for a walk or something!?” … take him for a walk, like he’s a dog or something. Heh. This clearly pissed me off, but once again I did NOT let him get the best of me. It hurt to hear him say something so hurtful about his own son but I kept my composure.

“You mean the weight he gained after he developed heart problems? The heart problems that came up because of the stress that you caused him. The heart problems that caused him to have to be taken off his medication which suppressed his appetite. Once he was off the medication he started eating more and then emotionally eating because of all the stress he was under regarding the bull shit you put him through and failing his grades because of the stress he was under because of you?”

“Whatever Nik. You’re gonna turn this all around on me anyway so whats the point? What’s the point in arguing with you? You’re going to win anyway. He has no friends there. He doesn’t have anyone to play with outside. You’re banking all my child support because you had to move in to your boyfriend’s mom’s house and live bill-free now.” At this point Lynn made a face like OH REALLY!?

I responded with, “Actually it’s MORE expensive to live here. It’s a better home. Nick has his own room. There are better schools and a better school district. We don’t live bill free.”

“Whatever Nikkole. Let’s just save each other the money. You’re going to get an attorney from the state anyway. I’ll have to pay thousands of dollars in lawyer fees.”

“Actually, if I pursue this, I have to do all of it on my own. I have to go to the court house and file everything by myself. I have to go from room to room to room filing all the paperwork. No attorney. No lawyer.”

“Whatever. Save us both the trouble. I’ll sign whatever you want. I’m fucking exhausted, Nik. I don’t have time to fight with you. I’m done fighting with you. I don’t have time for this shit. I’ll sign whatever you want.”

“Yea. YOU’RE exhausted!? You get off scott free. You don’t have responsibilities. You don’t have a kid to take care of. You don’t have therapy appointments because your ex is an idiot. You don’t have to constantly email teachers and be in contact with them to make sure your son isn’t failing. You’re not making conferences to meet with all his teachers to discuss his failing grades. You’re not there every single night to talk to him and listen to him cry because of his precious dad. You’re not there for any of it! You’re off in your own little world!”

I continued with… “YOU WANTED THIS! I was 16! YOU WANTED ME PREGNANT! You wanted the baby. You wanted the little boy to play with and be there for and do things with while you were still young. What happened to all that? You don’t want any of it anymore. YOU WANTED THIS! Now you’re running away and not doing any of it!”

“Whatever Nik. I’ll sign whatever you want. Send me the papers and I’ll see you in court.”

“No, Matt, you don’t understand. There is no court if you sign the papers. It’s just you and me, agreeing upon something, I send the paperwork in and we’re done. No court. No attorneys. No lawyers. No costs. Nothing else will change. You give me full custody, continue to pay child support, or you get a lawyer and pray to god he’ll fight for you to sign away your parental rights and cut ALL ties with Nick. Those are your options.”

“Well I guess I don’t have much of a choice because you’ve spoken. You will win. You always do. What’s the point?”

“Fine. You’ll get the paperwork in the mail.” *Click*


Afterward I felt more different than I had ever felt in my life. I felt exhilarated. I felt free. I didn’t feel upset. I didn’t feel like crying. I mean, sure, some of the things he said upset me but I wasn’t heart broken and I didn’t feel defeated after speaking to him. I stayed calm. I never let him get the best of me. I said what I had to say and I felt … empowered and free.

I ended up texting Mike that I got in to it with him and that I was “OK, no worries about me.” He immediately called me and goes, “ARE YOU OK!?” I’m like “yes I’m fine. I feel good. I feel like I could punch someone in the face because I’m so wound up but I feel good. I’m ok. Everything is ok.”

We talked shortly and I explained briefly what was said on the phone. He said the following … something like this … “Babe. Take him back to court for full custody. We don’t need his money. We don’t need his money for any reason. Sure having more income would make things easier but we don’t need it. We don’t need HIS money. We can do this without him. We can take care of Nick and get everything Nick needs without his help. Take him for full custody. Fight for that. Don’t worry about the money. Fuck his money.”

I got tears in my eyes. Just hearing him saying we can do this without him… I don’t know how to describe it. I always depend on that little bit of money we get each month from child support and here Mike was saying if it doesn’t come, we would be OK without it. He was willing to provide 100% for Nick if need be. It just… brought tears to my eyes. It was so sweet and so kind of him to say something like that to me. I felt so much love for him.

Anyway, I wrote a lot. I’m tired and I’ve done a LOT today (see my cleaning schedule for this week that I wrote in the previous entry). Mike will be home for lunch any minute.

written on at 12:57 pm || Filed under: Accomplishments, Parenting, Struggles

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