The word of the day is Clusterfuck. I understand that this isn’t a real word, nor do I care at this moment. I am so beyond and utterly frustrated. So, I haven’t written anything in days and I have so much to tell you.

Job Interview

So, as some of you know who follow me on social media know that I had an interview with A. Bank which is currently being contracted out by Aero. Both names have been abbreviated to prevent this blog being flagged on Google and found by said companies. So, from my understanding this was only a four-month project, the pay was good and they were opening a brand new call center – a big potential for things to go wrong. Whatever, they called me up and asked if I wanted an interview after speaking to me a few times on the phone. I agreed. My interview was on Tuesday at 9:45 am. I was a nervous wreck all the way up to the moment I walked in the doors. I charmed him with my wit and humor and downright awesomeness. The interview, you know, the part where he asks the questions, lasted maybe 10 minutes. Then it was about 10 minutes of me asking him questions. Then it was time to end the interview with a walk through the call center. While walking through the call center, he offered me the position. I told him I’d think it over, dwell on it with my fiance, and let him know.

Fast forward twenty-four hours

So, I get a phone call from S asking if there were any more references I could give him because although he offered the job to me, he was only able to talk to Dave and couldn’t get a hold of Erika or Kevin. I said there was Mike and gave him his number. I told him he was a personal reference, not a professional one. He wasn’t really buying into that so he asked if there was anyone else. I told him to call the general number for DHL and ask pretty much anyone who answers that number. He asked for a list of names that would answer, I gave him a few, he asked if he could talk to Michelle because he knew we worked together and he was going to offer her the interview too but I don’t believe she accepted. I said sure. Long story short, he ended up calling Mike. LOL, so Mike called him back (he screens his calls) and answered whatever calls S had for him. This included, “What are Nik’s weaknesses?” Mike’s answer was flawless. “She’s hard on herself when she does something wrong or messes up. She tends to beat herself up a lot when things aren’t perfect. However, she uses this as a lesson learned and she learns from her mistakes to further grow.” Or something along those lines. He worded it differently but that was the gist of it.

He called me back and said “Ok. Your references check out. Do you have an answer for me yet?” I said I did and took the position. He said we had an entire process of stuff that we had to go through next. He informed me I needed to sign a consent form, fill it out, send it back. I did that. Next, he had sent me an email about getting myself fingerprinted for an FBI background check. I signed up for the website, found the nearest location, and picked a date and time to get fingerprinted. Next up, I need to fill out my W2 forms electronically through Aero for my taxes. After all that, I have to meet with either S or H and fill out the finalized orientation paperwork at A. Bank. Jesus Christ. I did everything up until the fingerprinting. That is scheduled for 11:10 am on Friday morning. Then I’ll get my W2’s filled out, and figure out, I assume, next week sometime to meet with H or S. He informed me I was the first person they hired for the assignment.

Oh. I guess I left that detail out. So this is an assignment job, a contract if you will. It will go for 3-5 months. That was it. I had a chance that I’d be hired on permanently after that 3-5 months but it was really up in the air. S told me that I had GREAT POTENTIAL to make it all the way and I didn’t have a lot to worry about at the interview. Well, later on, yesterday afternoon (holy shit all this took place in less than 24 hours time, Jesus), he was informed by A. Bank that this will be a more permanent thing and that they will be keeping the majority of the workers hired for this assignment afterward for their call center. So the probability of being hired on was raised that much higher. I was cool with it regardless. Work 3-5 months, take the summer off, go to a different call center, whatever. This gives me a chance to go much further. However, I am only working with Aero for the first 3-5 months until the project is complete, and THEN I’ll be working for A. Bank. Which means, benefits, healthcare, vacation, bosses, management, etc. all changes. This is a big stress factor for me but and this is a big BUT, I believe in the long run this job, the position itself, will be SO much less stressful than DHL was on me. The factor of perfection will be there in only the slightest way.

I have to prepare my family and myself for this position. I’ll be at work 9 hours. We get an hour lunch. This is going to be a big adjustment to the boys. They’re going to come home from school and I won’t be home for another two hours. We’re going to have to work on scheduling days for Mikhail to go on the Xbox and Nick to go on certain days. Dinner time is going to be much later, and they’re just going to have to snack on foods (hopefully in moderation) until I arrive home and cook something for dinner. It will be a Monday – Friday job which means all my running around, errands, grocery shopping, etc., will have to be on the weekends. I will occasionally have to work one Saturday then have off the following Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday of the week after per month. Mikhail has basketball beginning in January so I will be missing at least two basketball practices and Mike is going to have to take him to those.

There are going to be major adjustments all around.

That’s not the biggest kicker though…

So, I looked at the benefits. This was before I accepted the position and thought OK, so I am going to have to pay for my own insurance. No biggie, right? Nick and Mikhail will still be covered by the state, I’ll just get single employee insurance through Aero and it will be fine. Mikhail has covered underneath Mike’s insurance anyway so there just leaves Nick who will be covered by the state.

I accepted the position. Everything will be fine. Everything will be alright.

I started getting worried. Something I was missing. Everything is happening so fast. Wait there’s more…

I look closer at the benefits package.

I’m adding up the numbers.

$87 a week for insurance for JUST ME. A FUCKING WEEK!

$154 a week for insurance for me + children. A FUCKING WEEK!

That. Is. Ridiculous. That is also for the basic plan.

I read a little further.

“Mental Health Benefits” Not Covered.

Well, fuck me in the ass sideways. What the fuck will I do then?

Do I go to pdoc and ask for 6 months worth of medication refills? No, he would never let that fly. Do you honestly know what he would tell me? “Well, then don’t take the position.” I did the math. If I see him next week, that will give me three months before I see him again. So, March? That’s one appointment. The second appointment, provided my mental health stays healthy, I’ll see him again in June. The five-month contract is over with in July. I would have to pay out of pocket for two pdoc appointments. I have NO IDEA how much that costs. Or if they would even allow that. I know many doctors offices and such will not let you just be seen and pay the bill later. You have to have insurance to see the doctor. Son of a mother fucking bitch.

So I continue to read, “You must get your prescriptions ONLY at a CVS pharmacy or mail order pharmacy”. Well, fuck me. I use Walgreen’s for everything. I decided to look it up. Target’s pharmacy is CVS. OK, not terrible, so I have to go to Target to fill my prescriptions – which will be nonexistent because I will no longer have a psychiatrist.

I have no idea how I’m going to make this work. I am sitting here running these scenarios through my head and saying FUCK ME SIDEWAYS I DON’T KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO DO! I cannot go unmedicated. Can I?

I could marry Mike. Get put on his already paid for family medical insurance. We could shotgun a wedding at the courthouse. I looked it up. It would cost $110 for the marriage license and $100 for the civil ceremony. Could we just do that? First of the year, in January, get hitched, then throw me and Nick on his insurance plan. We would have an entire year to figure out the taxes and bullshit for the 2019 tax season. I would have health insurance. I honestly don’t know what else to do at this point. I am freaking the hell out. I wanted this all to work out SO fucking bad. I still do. I want this to work out. I want this job. I think it would be a great fit. It’s great pay. I could get some money to get out of all this newly accumulated credit card debit (well not with those payments for insurance, all my spare change would have to go to that – OUCH)

Anyway. I’m freaking out. I had to get it out on “paper”. Lord help me get through this because I don’t know what I’m going to do.

written on at 9:26 pm || Filed under: Life with Bipolar, Struggles

One Response to “Clusterfuck.”

  1. Sheri says:

    Wow, that is clusterfuck. Sounds like the shotgun wedding is your best option.

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