afternoon – evening: very mellow. Almost a sense of normal. VERY exhausted No motivation and overwhelmed with chores.

evening: went to bed at 8pm. Took seroquel early because I was still very tired and groggy from the previous nights’ dosage.

August 18th:
Morning: woke up very groggy and extremely tired. Went for blood work and fill prescriptions.  Although groggy and tired, I was highly motivated. Cleaned the entire kitchen – very overwhelmed with “how the house looked.”

early afternoon: set up a play date for Nickolas *shocked myself* in the ability to set up something social for once.

afternoon: Took two hour nap after feeling incredibly tired & groggy still.

Early Evening: “Feeling very normal. No depression. No mania. No social anxiety.”

Shortly after Mike came home I felt incredibly hostile and anger. Nothing provocked this. A huge fight with Mike, a lot of crying, racing thoughts, and saying hurtful things without remorse.

Evening: a lot more calm… took ONE seroquel to tame down the grogginess & exhaustion – stayed up until midnight.

August 19th:
Early morning – EXTREME RAGE. Uncontrollable bouts of rage which causes uncontrollable crying.

10:45am – Calmed down some now. Decided to calm more with a nap when the baby goes down to rest.

Afternoon – Racing thoughts, irritable, extremely wired (wide awake feeling) cleaning nonstop, feel like needing to argue with everyone’s opinions.

Evening – Still very irritable,  I’m being accused of “being difficult to deal with because I take everything said to me the wrong way.” Starting fights/arguements – pushing friends & family away due to fear of disappointing them worse because I’m so difficult to deal with.

Late Evening (8pm) – feeling sad, worthless, confused, hopeless. Very overwhelmed with feelings regarding my lack of family support. Why? I’m not sure…

08-20-10 (Previous night I took 1 1/3 seroquel)

Woke up incredibly tired  after 7-8 hours of sleep. Fell asleep on the couch for another hour. Mood… mellow.

Morning – Cleaned Nick’s entire room – really took a LOT of patience but was able to do it WITH him without telling him “I’ll just do it.” A few anger attacks with yelling but we all pulled through.

Afternoon – Took a nap. Woke up feeling a lot better and refreshed.

Early Evening (3pm) Calm. Quiet. Still racing thoughts from last night’s events with my sister… trying to stay calm about it.

Evening – mellow. Went out to the store with everyone. Came home and watched a movie with everyone.

Was a late night with 1 1/2 seroquel. Went to bed around midnight.

08-21-10
Was able to sleep in thanks to Mike letting me. I still feel tired – figured out that my body isn’t used to all this sleep so I’m getting too much

Afternoon-Evening: Fairly laid back. Become extremely frustrated with Nickolas inability to comprehend simple tasks which cause rage episodes. Still very upset and overwhelmed with paranoid thoughts of families lack of care and love.

Evening – Racing thoughts, very stir crazy… gotta get up and move around, clean, can’t sit still.

08-22-10
Overslept – about 9 hours total sleep. Feeling very lazy and unmotivated today. No desire to do anything.

late morning: very little patience, still no motivation to do much.

Afternoon – Stir crazy and unable to sit. Very aggravated with housework and obsessive over chores. Went and did some running around and shopping for stuff I didn’t really need

08/23/10
Wasn’t home the entire day…
Woke up groggy again.

Went to see Dr. Phansalker. Got a new prescription and an increase of lithium. Instead of seroquel I’m now taking risperdal and ambien.

Racing thoughts today, little patience, a lot of irritation

Late evening – Very irrititable. No patience.

08/24/10
VERY Manic today. Woke up after not being able to sleep feeling fabulous. Cleaned the entire house. A lot of motivation and focus.

Afternoon – Tried to lay down for a nap knowing I need one after such little sleep and racing thoughts kept me awake. Leaving me VERY irritiable and raging.

Evening – A little more calmer. Went and took a break by shopping now ready to go to bed at 6:30pm

Will take all my meds tonight, including Ambien and hope for a better day tomorrow.

08/25/10
Morning – Had an awful night of sleep unsure of it was the Ambien or stomach flu I have.

Not much to report … the entire day I was sleeping due to the stomach flu.

Mood was fairly stabilized through it all though – no rage attacks, no loss of patience Racing thoughts made it hard to nap though. Hoping tomorrow’s attorney appointment puts an end to that.

08/26/10
Still very sick… probably not a lot to report on today.

08/27/10
Still feeling ill but a bit better than before. Unmedicated since 25th. Got in to a lot of arguments today – apparently “very difficult to deal with” and I take things out of porportion and always in anger. Nothing I was able to do was right. Everything I said set people off to say hurtful things… long crying spouts today. Wouldn’t say depression…

Racing thoughts during the evening. Unable to focus or sleep. Too much thought on

08/28/10
Woke up with an upset stomach *still*

Starting taking lithium again

Hung out with a friend (out of the normal for me) nearly the entire day

Went out that night with Mike… forgot my evening dosage of medication.

Fairly stable most of the day surprisingly

08/29/10
Kinda unstable and moody today.

Slept a lot today

Evening – Very irrational and prone to argue. Just had a bout of anger and sadness from recent events from family out of no where. Nothing triggered it but thoughts.  Depression feelings4

08/30/10

Have a sense of depression today. Have a lot going on in my life (as usual) that would almost always trigger depression.

Can’t figure out sleep schedule… almost any sleep is too much sleep; little sleep leaves me groggy and tired. No/little sleep causes me to have rage fits all day.

1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade – at any time of the year.

2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off – even while scuba diving.

5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

9. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note – just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

10. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.

11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.

12. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.

13. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

15. All single women have a cat.

16. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

17. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

18. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

19. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings – especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.

20. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.

21. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.

22. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

23. Dogs always know who’s bad and will naturally bark at them.

24. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

25. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

26. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son’s eighth birthday.

27. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.

28. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

29. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

30. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

31. If you decide to hack into the CIA database, all you need is a laptop and an internt connection. it will usually take about 10 seconds to get into the system and you will usually be undetected.

32. No matter how dirty the water is, it is still possible for you to jump in and open your eyes underwater. You’ll be able to see everything clearly and your eyes wont hurt.

33. In every bar you go into, the bartender will always know how to make any and every long named drink of your choice.

34. When walking in a quiet and dark area, its only fair to ask if someone is there.

35. It’s always possible to outrun a explosion/fireball by running straight towards the camera, sometimes in slow motion.

36. The prologue and/or epilogue, when applicable, is always narrated by a soothing calm monotone voiced individual, preferably Morgan Freeman.

37. Never be afraid to jump off of a building into an open dumpster, as the contents will most likely always be clean, fluffy garbage bags.

38. Most police officers HATE partners. If they do have a partner that they trust and like, he/she will die.

39. The last bad guy in a shootout is too tough to die fast like everyone else. He must pretend to give up or be dead, and suddenly try to shoot one of the good guys. Then and only then can he die quickly.

40. Cars can screech tires and burn rubber even if they’re on gravel or sand.

41. Everybody’s phone number starts with 555.

42. Monsters always make noise before attacking.

43. If you have face stubble….you have a dark mysterious past.

44. Ancient Romans had English accents.

45. Nobody has morning breath in the movies…the first thing a couple does is kiss each other when they wake up.

46. All helocopter crashes occur on the other side of the mountain.

47. Computers in sci-fi films have either male or female voices that speak in a calm, reassuring tone even in the most extreme situations.

48. In high speed chases, no car ever runs out of gas.

49. Funerals usually happen when it rains. The hardest, bravest, coolest person is usually the one without an umbrella or hat and usually stands alone either to the side or behind everyone.

50. If your female who has never been on a date or even been hit on, don’t worry. All it takes is some contacts, new hair styles, and new clothes to make you the baddest bitch in the town.

Recipe can be found thanks to http://ourkitchen.fisherpaykel.com/2009/10/creamy-bacon-carbonara/

What you need

8 – 10 slice bacon
500ml cream
s & p
2 eggs
30g Parmesan
750g fettuccine
chopped parsley to serve

Make It

1. Cut the bacon into 1cm strips and fry over a medium heat.
2. Place the fettuccini into a pot of salted, boiling water and cook until al dente
3. In the mean time, once the bacon is cooked add the cream and salt and pepper to the pan and simmer to reduce until thick and creamy.
4. Whisk together the egg and parmesan
5. Once the pasta is cooked, drain and add it to the pan and stir it through the cream sauce.
6. Finally, add the egg and parmesan to the pan and stir again.
7. Serve immediately garnished with parsley.

Personal/Household

1. Rearrange the Living Room
   I believe this is going to be done tomorrow after Mike gets off from work and Nickolas goes to Matt’s house. We have had the living room the same way for over  a year now. Any normal person would be like, “Yea so what?” I’m not normal. I was raised watching my grandmother rearrange her furniture every two days. I honestly mean, EVERY TWO DAYS.
2. Magic eraser the floor and walls in the kitchen…
   Yea you heard me right… magic eraser everything! I wish I could push my ‘easy button’ and do the whole house. I’m trying to do an absolute through cleaning through the entire house so when and if we move into the three bedroom we’ll be ready! (I’m really hoping for karma to help in this aspect.)
3. Put away ALL laundry.
   I HATE putting away laundry. I avoid it at all costs.

Well, that might not seem like a large list to you… its a lot to me.  I have to also go through Nickolas’ bedroom and rid him of all his old toys. You know, all the ones that are broken, mismatched, not played with, or just old. That’s NEVER fun to do. I try to keep up on it at least once every two – three months. This kid has so much stuff!  I want to say he’s not spoiled, but that would be a complete and utter lie.

On to the randomness… I want to post a little bit of everything, but I’ll stay on topic as much as I can.

Alright… that is all for now folks. I’ve got a cold and need to get some rest to get healthy again! I’m going to leave you with some questions! (I haven’t done these in a while.)

1. What would is your current obsession?
2. Thoughts on Octomom?
3. Twitter/Facebook/Myspace/_______? Which one do you prefer?

1. Real Name: Nikkole
2. Nickname(s): Nik, Nikki, Cole
3. Age: 22
4. Horoscope: Leo ♌
5. Male or Female: Female
6. Elementary: Woodrow Wilson Elementary School
7. Middle School: A.G. Bell Middle School
8. High School: Alexander Hamilton High School
10. Hair color: Burgundy & Black
11. Long or Short: Medium for the first time in a LONG time.
12. Loud or Quiet: Loud when I’m upset, quiet normally.
13. Sweats or Jeans: Jeans, always.
14. Phone or Camera: Phone w/ camera. ^_^
15. Health Freak: Never. 
16. Drink or Smoke: Socially/No
17. Do you have a crush on someone: No.
18. Eat or Drink: Drink – Coffee… I hate eating. Makes you fat.
19. Piercings:Eyebrow, Tongue, Industrial, Ears (twice)
20. Tattoos: (1) Professional, (3) Young n’ Dumb, (1) Fadin’ Fast.
21. Social or Anti-Social: ANTI-Social
22. Righty or lefty: Right-handed.
23. First piercing: Ears at six months old.
24. First relationship: Uhm… Matt was my first ‘serious relationship’.
25. First Best Friend: Melissa, Danielle, and Samantha
26. First Award: Honor Role Roll… honestly which is it? Good to see I won this. HAHA
27. First Kiss: ….how sad is this. It was during Truth/Dare – Josh Faulk.
28. First Pet: Cat. Unsure whether it was KitKat or Scamper.
29. First Big Vacation: Orlando, Florida
30. First Love at first sight: First… Nickolas.
31. First Big Birthday: What’s considered ‘big’? I don’t think I’ve ever had a “HUGE” birthday.
32. First Surgery: Never had surgery.
33. First sport you joined: Me? Sports? HA!!!

This or That
34. Orange or Apple juice: Apple
35. Rock or Rap: Rock
36. Country or Screamo: Screamo
37. NSYNC or Backstreet boys: Back in the day… NSYNC
38. Britney spears or Christina Aguilera: Again, back in the day… Britney Spears.
39. Night or Day: Night, for sure.
40. Sun or Moon: Moon
41. TV or Internet: Internet
42. Playstation or xbox: Xbox 360…
43. Kiss or hug: Anything. Both. Everything!
44. Iguana or turtle: Iguana
45. Spider or bee: Neither.
46. Fall or spring: Fall.
47. Limewire or iTunes: Limewire
48. Soccer or baseball: Neither.

49. Eating: Life cereal
50. Drinking: Mt. Dew
51. Excitement level: 6-7
52. I’m about to: get up and put my cereal bowl in the sink.
53. Listening to: I Can’t Do It Alone – 3oh!3 ♫♪
54. Plan for today: The day is nearly over… next plans are to sleep.
55. Waiting for: My license!
56. Energy Level: 3
57. Thinking of someone: Always.

Future plans/ideas:
58. Want kids?: Have kids.
59. Want to get married?: Yes we will someday figure this out.
60. When?: Who knows… when it happens it happens. Its a piece of paper. It cannot confess our love anymore than we already do.
61. How many kids do you want: 2, a girl would be nice, but that’s pushing my luck.
62. Any name on the mind: Girl: Peyton Rose // Boy: I’m officially OUT of boys names.
63. What did you want to be when you were little: A teacher or architect
64. Careers in mind: Web Developer
65. Mellow future or wild: I guess I used up all my ‘wild days’ when I was 12-16, those days are over for me.
66. Something you would never try: Jumping out of a perfectly good plane. That about sums it up. Almost everything else, I’d try.
67. When do you want to die: As old as physically possible…

Which is the better in the boy/girl you like (in general)
68. Lips or Eyes: Eyes
69. Romantic or Funny?: Romantic
70. Shorter or Taller?: Taller
71. Protective or Caring?: Both
72. Romantic or Spontaneous?: Romantic… is nice. Being Spontaneous and romantic at the same time is Key.
73. Nice Stomach or Nice Arms?: Don’t matter to me.
74. Sensitive or Loud?: Sensitive
75. Hook-up or Relationship?: Relationship
76. Trouble Maker or Hesitant?: Trouble Maker I’ve always preferred the bad boys.
77. Muscular or normal: don’t matter much to me.
78. Kissed a stranger: Not that I can remember….

Have you ever…
79. Broken a bone: Arm.
80. Lost glasses or contacts: Both. Worse was while on vacation lost my glasses at the bottom of the lake.
81. Ran away from home: I was kicked out enough I didn’t have to run away.
82. Held a gun/knife for self defense: Nope.
83. Killed somebody: Nope.
84. Broken some one’s heart: Yup. I was a heart breaker.
85. Had your heart broken: Who hasn’t?
86 .Been arrested: Nope. The key is you never get caught. ;]
87. Cried when someone died: Always.
88. Liked a friend more than a friend: Nope.

Do you believe in…
89. Yourself: Sometimes.
90. Miracles: Yes.
91. Love at first sight: I’m living it.
92. Heaven: Unsure.
93. Santa Claus: Nope
94. Tooth Fairy: Nope.
95. Kiss in the first date: Yes.
96. Angels: Yes.

Answer Truthfully
97. Is there 1 person you want to be with right now?: Yes, and we’re together. He’s sleeping on the couch and I’d want to be with him next to me, but yea…
98. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life now?: No. I want to be doing something productive. I feel like a failure because I’m not working, don’t have my license, and not in school.
99. Do you believe in God?: Depends. I have my moments… 
100. Post as 100 truths and tag I tag whoever wants to do this…