I am currently still going for unemployment. Remember I loss my job November 2011. So, I’ve been filing for unemployment since then. At first I got a letter stating that I wasn’t eligible for it because I didn’t make enough. Then I got a letter stating they’re still establishing whether or not I qualify so continue filing. It’s frustrating. 1. I almost never remember to file for unemployment on Sunday’s. 2. I’m sick of filing when I still don’t know if I”ll get it or not. What could possibly take this long to establish!? I wish I could just give up, say I’m not getting it, and be done with it. Mike won’t have that though.

In other news, I have found out from a friend that Matt’s girlfriend is pregnant. HA! I call him to question him about it. “Are the rumors true?” I said.

“Rumors? What rumors?”

“Is Kelly pregnant?”

“Who’d you hear that from?”

“A mutual friend. Is it true?”

“I hate rumors. They’re vicious. I hate rumors. I don’t know.”

“You don’t know if she’s pregnant?”

“Yea. I don’t know.”

“Oook. Whatever you say.”

“Yea. She’s 6 weeks pregnant.”

I’m like, “OH! Congratulations!”

“Is it what it is.”

“You sound thrilled.”

In the most sarcastic voice ever, “I am THRILLED! I cannot WAIT for ANOTHER baby! YAY!”

“Okay, I get the point.”

At this point I wanted to tell him to keep it in his pants then. But I kept it to myself. Wanted to keep the conversation nice, ya know? This will be his possible third child. I say possible because I’m still not convinced baby #2 was his. He never mentions him. He never sees him. Then again, he’s still a baby. When Nick was a baby, Matt wanted NOTHING to do with him. He was still baby formed. He’s no fun as a baby. Can’t dress up the baby in name brand clothing and take around showing him off. I pray this one is a girl. Matt told me when we were together, “If you have a girl. We’re through. I will walk out of the ultrasound and that will be the last time you see me.” Charming, right? So anyway, I continue the conversation and I tell him I’m pursuing him for Child Support.

He responds with, “Ya. I know. They sent me a letter telling me I owe $600 here and $1000 there. They put a lien on me too.” Sucks to be you. He then proceeds to tell me about how he now owns the bar that he worked at and that’s why I’m not getting child support because he’s not getting paychecks anymore. Long story short, he basically said he had money laying around for a rainy day and he invested it in the bar and got screwed. Not my problem… where’s my money?!

You know what sucks the most about not getting child support… when Nick is going and behaving himself and we go to the store and he asks for something and I have to tell him “No. I don’t have money.” He is old enough to understand that I get child support from Dad and Dad is currently not sending me any. He doesn’t understand that when I go to the store I’m spending Mike’s money, not my money. Therefore I can’t just go and buy him something because it’s not my money. His response is, “Well we’re at the store. You have money to go to the store, don’t you?” It sucks.

Hopefully soon I’ll be getting child support once again. I have gotten one payment since October. Which is bull shit.

In other news, Mike wants me to attempt going to Energy Assistance again. To give you a recap of what happened last time… LONG story short, I went at 5am, stood outside in the cold until 7:30am. I finally got in and THEN seen the sheet of what you need. (They don’t have it on the internet ANYWHERE about what you need when you get down there. So I had no clue what I needed.) So, I’m sitting there lying to the people like “Oh I don’t have a bank account” because I needed my bank statements for the previous three months. THEN I COMPLETELY forgot that I had worked during the previous three months. I didn’t have my pay stubs at all. It was a mess! I vowed I’d never go back down there. Well little did I know Mike would be forcing me to go again. Ugh! I don’t want to go. This time I’m going to make my Mom come with me so I have someone to talk to while we’re down there at 5am. I also have to get my bank statements printed out first. Then I think I’ll have everything. The only concern I have is that when I asked work to print out my pay stubs they gave me a compensation report instead. It still says how much my gross pay was, take home pay, and taxes taken out… I just pray that it will be enough for them. I don’t want to go down there at 5am to sit outside until 7:30am then to sit until 9-10am to be seen to have it NOT be enough. Its not easy getting assistance from the state. Whoever tells you its easy is a liar. I can’t wait until the day when I’m stable enough to work and the boys are in school and we don’t have to worry about getting assistance from the state any longer.

As you can see, and as I posted on Twitter, I have created a new theme. I call it blue brown. Original, eh? I’m not sure I like it. Its plain jane for me. It took me seriously 30 minutes to create it, code it, and have it up. Which is far too quick by my standards. I wanted something with these colors but I didn’t know what I wanted to create. I’ve done a theme with photos before.

Which turned out fabulous. So I created this one in hopes that I’d make something just as fabulous. I was mistaken. It didn’t turn out great at all. I mean, its not bad. I just feel its one of my lowest looking creations I’ve made. So for now this is my newest theme. Love it or leave it. I’d love to leave it but I can’t come up with anything else I want to create. Nothing is sparking an idea in my head. No creative juices are flowing. Which sucks! Oh well, eventually I’ll come across something phenomenal and it will spark an idea in my head for my own theme and I’ll start creating and it will be wonderful.

Final thought… I’m sweeping again. Mike’s like “You need to get on that!” because I had introduced a girl at his work to the sweeping world and she’s been winning left and right. If you don’t remember I won about 3k worth of stuff the first year. 8k worth of stuff the second year. Only 1k worth of stuff last year. I didn’t win much last year because I didn’t enter much. I fell out of the hobby and I wasn’t winning as much as I had in the previous years so I felt it was a waste of time. See the thing is, sweeping has REALLY hit off the past year so there’s SO many more people out there that are like “I can do this” and they start entering. This makes my chances of winning that much lower. So I haven’t been winning as much. Which is really discouraging. But I’m going to stick with it and push through and just enter. Hopefully I’ll win a little more this year to make a show for my efforts. Otherwise I don’t know how long I’ll stick with it this time around. Mike wants me to start winning again. He just liked all the prizes I was getting. We’ll see what happens.

I suppose its time for Mikhail’s nap. Nickolas has early dismissal today so I don’t get to lay down with Mikhail like I normally do. Boo!!! I hate early dismissal day. He gets out two hours earlier than normal every other Wednesday. Why? I haven’t the faintest idea. I think it was to cut costs or something. Either way, it sucks. Until next time folks…

I got a very nice compliment from a friend of mine saying they don’t have to guess who I am as a person because they already know from reading what I write. It made me feel good because that’s what I’m going for. I want people to know who I am as a person just by reading what I write. There is no reason to piece together anything. I am here. Completely open and honest. Don’t hold back. Why be someone you’re not. Be who you really are, ya know?

Moving along …

We had the infamous company Christmas Party this weekend. It was totally different. It wasn’t at a hotel this year but instead a hall. Which made it not as fun because there was no sneaking up to the hotel room to take shots. Or getting ridiculously drunk and being able to just pass out. Heh. I know that sounds immature but yea that’s what it was all about. So, this year it was at the hall. We got there around 6pm. Mike’s parents (his Dad works there too) were already there. We found seats. The packer game was on for everyone to watch. We had some appetizers and conversated for a while, then we had dinner. Dinner was alright. It wasn’t nothing special and fancy. We waited for the prizes to be called. Around 9pm we left to go bowling. The Christmas Party went until midnight but we decided to go bowling instead.

We hung out at the bowling alley for a while, played a few games, and had a few drinks. Things got pretty heated up once everyone got some drinks in them. Some, more than others, had a few too many drinks. Let’s just say, one of our friends ended up puking all over himself. That’s when the party pretty much ended. We all helped him to the car and headed home. We released my Mom from her duties of babysitting and hit the hay ourselves.

It wasn’t the same this year. We’re hoping next year will be at a hotel again. Guess we’ll have to wait and see. It’s funny because previous years this was a big thing. The Christmas Party was a well thought out planned event. This year we didn’t meet up before we went. Gwenn and I didn’t get ready together in the bathroom while the boys hung out. It just wasn’t the same. It makes me sad but what can you do.

I suppose… I should stop procrastinating and get to studying. Thought I’d update everyone as to what’s going on with me. I’m trying to keep up with the blogging.

• Tips to Coupon: I’ve had a few requests over the past few months asking that I write about how I coupon. Now, I’m going to let you all in on a little secret. Last year, I had intended on making an entire site regarding couponing, deals, freebies, etc. The site was called Coffee ‘n Coupons – it was never launched. I became overwhelmed with it before it even opened. I copied over and brought a lot of the best articles I wrote for there here for all of you to see.

Newbies’ Tips to Couponing

Stores 101

Stockpiling 101

Coupon Binder How-To

• Sweepstakes: This is another massively asked for How-To from me. As a lot of you know, I enter sweepstakes every single day. I’ve won a lot. In fact, in the past year I’ve done it, I’ve won almost $10,000 worth of stuff. Most recently, the big win I won was a trip to the Marlboro Ranch in Montana.  I wrote a bit of an article on how I do it. Please be advised – if you’re serious about “sweeping” please be aware that it does in fact take a LOT of reading to understand the how-to for doing this. It’s definitely not something you can just jump in to. Pay attention. Concentrate. Learn how to, and win some stuff!

Sweepstakes – Includes my “big wins” and my Prize Wishlist

Article: I enter sweepstakes for a hobby.

• Popular Articles – I have had a lot of articles in the past that I’ve written. Recipes, opinions, etc. I have compiled a list on a specific page to find these items. That way it makes it a LOT easier to find what you’re looking for.

Popular Articles Main Page

• Designer’s Showcase!!! – Last but not least, the final thing I’ve added is my designer’s showcase. Its a showcase of all the web graphics, designs, etc that I’ve created over the years. A place to add some content for my visitors and to show off how far I’ve come in the web design world. There are TONS of pages on the Main Page so please go through all of them. A lot of you will have already seen a lot that’s on there though. Maybe some day I’ll get back in the swing of things and create more items to place on there.

Designers Showcase

I’ve been working extremely hard on Eternal Amour lately. As you can see with the new layout I felt it was time to start adding some new pages. There was absolutely nothing on this blog for the visitor to read other than my endless countless rants and raves. I decided to change it up a little bit. This will help me organize the specified articles I’ve written, designs I’ve come up with, and how-tos for those whose asked.

The last item I have to complete is the Gallery. I have intentions on adding all the photos I have. Photos of myself, the boys, the family, etc. Just a massive look in my life – In a sense, I’m kinda nervous about this simply because of the whole don’t post pictures of your kids openly online there are predators out there. I think it will be fine though. Regardless of all that, I have well over 6GB of pictures to sort through, edit in Lightroom, fix up and post. It will be a work in progress I suppose. I haven’t quite decided whether or not I want to integrate the gallery right in this blog or place it on a subdomain. I am thinking placing it in a subdomain may be easier. It will also make it look better since I’ll be able to create different sidebars and such. We’ll see what happens. Until then, enjoy the new pages!

This is what the .PSD looked like while I was creating the layout. I took a screenshot of my proposed layout. As you can see some of the things changed. I like the way the final version came out. I have been at this layout for well over a week. I spent four days designing the background, header, and details.  I spent the last three days doing the CSS.

I must be honest, I have no idea if the colors of the will work for the text – if you have any complaints, PLEASE let me know. I just don’t know what colors to make it, ya know?

Well, I have somethings to do. I hope you like it!

Moving along, I have no idea what the hell is going on with me. No, honestly, not a clue. I’ve been feeling depression, yet feeling mania. I’m a freakin’ train wreck that’s what I am! I spent all last week on the phone trying to get a hold of SOMEONE regarding getting a new psychologist and psychiatrist. (For those who are uninformed: One is for medication, one is for therapy.) I called all the numbers in my insurance book and off their website, the number one answer I received was “Sorry, we don’t accept that insurance. ” Wait, what? Yea. Their book says these numbers, yet their insurance isn’t accepted. Makes no freaking sense… so I’m continuing my journey on  trying to find a new doctor. I feel degraded from repeating over and over again what I believe is my biggest flaw, and I’m exhausted from doing it, but I must get it done!

My ‘to-do’ list hasn’t shortened at all. If anything since I closed the site, it has grown, largely. I have to find the doctors. I have to clean the house prior to Friday for our yearly WHEDA inspection. Which, is oh so, not fun. There are also thousands of other things which will be discussed at a later date. Meh.

… I’ve come to the decision that I’m not a cool, hip writer like I read elsewhere. People are crazy, quirky, and interesting. I’m just a whiner, complainer, and a bitch.  /shrugs It’s who I am.

But anyways, here you go… the site is reopened, the theme is complete. I’m pretty proud of it, but I don’t LOVE it like I wish I did. Regardless, I’ll be keeping it up sometime.

I’m on a mission to create a couponing/deal/freebies/sweepstakes site of my own. I’m hoping that someday this site earns me and my family money. I’ve realized that you cannot earn money form a website by doing it as a hobby, you need to think of it as your career. If you don’t feel like doing it today, too bad. Just because you don’t feel like going to work, you still go. I’ve come a really far way from where I used to be, even last year. I’ve learned a lot about the tricks and the trades of the business. I’ve also learned how to create professional looking designs, code professional and proficent websites, and all around how to be successful.  It used to be about the little things that really didn’t have much meaning. (For instance, the years I spent with the “cartoon doll world”. HA! That was a joke.) I don’t know I’ve matured. I’ve progressed in my web design career. I’ve moved on, and I’m NOT looking back.

I’ve been working extremely hard on Coffee ‘n Coupons and its coming along very nicely. So far I have over 40 pages of articles, tips, tricks, and resources on how to save money while shopping.  I’ve learned that I need to work on my writing skills.  I also need to learn how to prioritize my articles and not to make them so exhausted and long written. I’ll start writing an explaination on how to do something, and suddenly its 10 pages of really long paragraphs. I know people don’t want to read really long paragraphs without pictures or visual effects – I just need to learn how to capture what they do want instead of what I want to explain. Its a work in progress.

As you can see from this theme alone – I’ve come a really far way from where I used to be. I don’t look at generic graphic sites anymore. I look at professional online magazines. I mean, you want to be successful at what you’re doing, you’re not going to look at someone who isn’t successful for inspiration and tips. For instance, I used to do the whole “myspace glitter graphics” and I was so bored with it in weeks. There are indeed sites out there that have made thousands, but there are very few. Also, that is a VERY SMALL audience compared to others. Not everyone likes the glitters; Usually they are targetted towards 13-30 something females. Well, how small is that target percentage? Tiny compared to, lets say, all blog readers.

I’ve just become very interested the business and career side of things. I’ve learned its not about what I think looks good, but what my viewers want to see. That’s the whole point, you make money by getting readers/viewers well you can’t get them if they dont want to see more! Something needs to catch their eye to want to click another link, not spend five seconds looking at the main page and closing it because its not of any interest to them.

These are just some of the things I’ve been trying to learn and teach myself about the graphical design world. I hope someday I become successful at what I do. I’m only 22 years old, and I have a lot of time to get further. We’ll see where I am five, ten, even twenty years from now.

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect, it means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.” – Unknown Source but BEAUTIFUL to say the least.

I had to share the quote… Simply because it means a lot to me right now. I’ve been having a really rough time dealing with a lot. I more than likely sound like a complete downer, but oh fucking well. That’s what my blog is for, right? Continuing on… Lets say moodswings, irritation, and annoyance is beyond out of control. I get the least bit upset, I snap. I’ve broken two remotes. Am I bragging about this? No. I need to share whats real, not what my portraying. I need to start being real and share who I really am, not who I want people to think I am because I’m ashamed. I don’t like who I am.

Moving along… Won some more sweepstakes. $20 Mastercard from Coke Rewards “Twist Txt Get” giveaway. I think everyone should join InstantCashSweepstakes also… Its fun, really. The rundown, you answer 5 surveys (three questions each) and get a random amount of ‘lotto tickets’ and/or money. When you get to $2.00 you cash out to Paypal (almost instantly) The lotto tickets are used for a weekly drawing for $250. If you answer the surveys – Recieve that survey again later on – answer the questions the same again – you get TRIPLE lotto tickets.  You can only do 5 surveys every 3 hours, but its fun. Basically like a game, and gives you something to do. Plus, its free money! (I will admit you don’t win A LOT all the time, but hey, its a chance game, you can’t ALWAYS win.)

Final notes: I went driving this weekend. (Thank you, Gwenn. I appreciate it more than you know!!!) I thought I did fairly well – Aside from taking a turn WAY too fast because I was focusing on the wrong things.

Mikhail has thrush. We had to take him to the doctor today to get it looked at because he’s been screaming for hours during the past few days. He’s been very irritable.  Poor little guy.

Nickolas finds the word “underwear” hilarious. Wish I could remember what it was like to be so simple minded.

Now, the reason for throwing it together and being done with it? Well, its simple. I needed to get it done! My personal to-do list is getting SO far behind. I was spending HOURS on this site. Do you see this layout? Did you know that it took me over 35+ hours to get it to the exact liking that it is.  That’s insane, I know. You’re probably thinking, what on earth could have taken that long? Are you dumb!? Well, first off, I have never done a completely custom WP theme before. Secondly, I wanted every little piece of the theme to be custom, colored, and beautiful.

There will be a lot of things added within the next few weeks. I just really wanted to get it done because I want to get working on Coffee n’ Coupons and complete that also.  For the record, this site will be used for personal blogging purposes only. It’s just so I still have an outlet to vent!

Also, there will at some point be a place for my portfolio – For all the beautiful creations I make… So here it is folks, the new and improved Eternal Amour. Entries will be lost once again because I got extremely lazy and wasn’t about to copy/paste ALL the entries here. What are your thoughts?

This entry, update, and such is LONG over due. It has been quite the journey to get to this point. I cannot believe it took this long. Not only did I have problems up the asshole along the way, but man, I tell you everything and anything that could happen, happened.

But, here we are. Welcome. Let me know if anything is messed up. Broken Links? Can’t view anything? Don’t like the way something looks? The website isn’t for me, its for the viewers. I learned this the hard way. Your opinion matters!!!

Alright, new stuff… I decided to add my glitters here. I have only a few things there so far, but more to be added eventually. Glitters… It opens up in a new little pop up window. There are fills, layout changing signs, and enter signs. I think they turned out really good. I decided to add my glitters here because I had recently closed & deleted my doll site because I couldnt sell it. So yea, basically all I’ve been doing lately is wondering what I can do next. I have to get a tooth pulled because yea, its all yucky and is very painful. I have to wait until March 4th, unless I can get an open appointment that is canceled or something. *SIGH!*

I still need to mail out a bunch of stuff which I havent done yet… another *SIGH!* I had to cancel my appointment to meet with Nickolas’ teachers for his future daycare center because I still havent gotten that taken care of and such. I still have a lot to do yet but yea… Idk. Too much to do, too little time. I have a bunch of stuff I’d like to buy before starting work, but it doesnt look like thats going to happen because I still havent recieved any child support money. Matt’s making bucko bucks and yet for some reason I still havent gotten the money he owes me. I really hope everything starts getting figured out AFTER I get this job.

Mike’s been really stressed out and such because of all it. He said he was sorry and wrote me a letter saying that his mind has been elsewhere because of all these bills and such. He said he was going to start trying to give me the attention I need. He hasnt been all lovey dovey like he normally is. I understand he’s stressed but yea, no more stressing over something we cannot do anything about. Speaking of that… credit collectors have been calling NON-STOP. They’re saying I have until today to pay $560 towards my credit card otherwise my credit will be ruined for the next 10 years. How freaking lovely. *sigh*Alright, enough of my bitching… I got laundry and such to do. Talk to you all later.