It is that time once again… I need to do another brain dump. It’s crazy how much has been running through my mind these past few days and I didn’t think to come to write about it. Well, here I am, another post that is going to be all over the place. I’m manic so I cannot focus on one topic for a long time. I’ll do my best to express a thought completely without going off on some tangent.

Figuring out work, one piece at a time

As I told you last week, I got the job. I applied for a job at Office Depot/Max and received word on Wednesday that I was approved for the job. I sat, patiently, these past few days waiting to hear the word. I had so many unknowns about the job! Uniform, pay, hours, schedule, and position were all things I didn’t know anything about. Well, today, I finally said enough is enough! I called and talked to the guy who hired me. I asked him about the uniform, which I found out would be khakis and a black polo with black or brown leather shoes. Ugh! I was really hoping for black slacks or jeans. I do NOT look good in khakis. Whatever, though. I have a job and it doesn’t matter how I look in the uniform, all that matters is that I’ll be uniform with everyone else.

Secondly, I asked for pay. He asked me what I put on my application for starting pay. I told him I didn’t remember. He looked it up and said ‘that’s higher than we normally start, but I think you’ll be worth it! You got it.’ I’m not going to disclose how much it was publicly on here. It’s higher than minimum wage and much less than I would be making at my old place of employment. Whatever. It’s income. More income than I’ve had in my bank account for a REALLY long time. I just hope it doesn’t affect my benefits. Which, according to my sister, it shouldn’t. Guess we’re going to have to wait and find out.

Finally, I asked when would I be starting? He said Tuesday would work best. I would be working from 2pm – 5pm on that day and then he would work me into the schedule after that. Fair enough. Finally, at least I had some answers.

But can I really do this?

While I left today to go with Lynn to go shopping for the uniform, we left the boys alone. About 10 minutes into shopping, I got a phone call from Nick saying that Mikhail beat the crap out of him. I had to talk to them both and told them to calm down and stop fighting. I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO DO THIS!

Immediately after shopping, I remembered I had an eye doctor appointment. Lynn dropped me off and I went to the appointment right away. I got two more phone calls from the boys while I was there!

How the fuck am I going to be able to work a 4-5 hour shift 5-6 days a week, if the boys insist on calling me every little while to have me break up a fight between the two of them!? 

This thought has plagued my mind over and over. I don’t know how I’m going to do it! Everyone keeps telling me everything will work out and I don’t know if I can believe that right now. I’m having a really hard time having faith in putting everyone else responsible for my dreams.

I thought I had much more to write about but I’m kinda brain farting right now. I’m frustrated and really trying to remain positive.

written on at 6:29 pm || Filed under: Accomplishments, Struggles

3 Responses to “Brain Dump – Part 2”

  1. Sheri says:

    If you’re getting SS disability, there’s a link on their website that will tell you how much you can earn. It’s not likely you’ll hit it, like you said. Over the past 10 years I’ve considered working a few times, and when I looked it up it seemed that if one worked part-time the maximum wage wouldn’t be hit.

    Explain to the boys that they cannot call you except for an extreme emergency, and then be clear on what that means. You could even put something on the fridge – “Are you bleeding puddles onto the floor? Is a bone sticking out? Do you have a fever over 110?” Find out when you get breaks, then tell them you’ll call them then. By the time my girls were old enough to use a phone, I wasn’t working but from how often they called me when I would be out with a friend I understand your concern. One of my husband’s employees had such a problem with her kids texting her with “catastrophes” that he banned cell phones from the office. His reasoning was the kids had the office phone number, if it was a real emergency they could call on that. Here’s another idea, just turn off your phone, but make sure the phone number to the store is clearly posted. Again, though, they can only use it in an emergency. Can you think of a way that you can help them to learn how to get through minor sibling conflicts on their own? How about a reward system? I’m blathering on because this is important on two levels – first, you could lose your job or the stress you’ll feel can affect your work; second – they need to learn how to survive on their own/with each other without you.

    I’m sorry I don’t believe in “It will all work out.” Life doesn’t work that way, we need to be responsible for figuring out the what-ifs (but without obsessing over them…riiiight). You’re so good at lists, perhaps writing down the what-could-go-wrong items and then coming up with good solutions would help get them out of your brain and onto “paper” would be helpful, as you well know. And maybe involve them in the problem-solving in some manner.

    • Nikkole says:

      I do not receive SS disability. I’ll disclose with you in another place what I do receive. I usually don’t talk about it due to judgemental others so I’m surprised I wrote it on here. Must’ve not really thought about it.

      I will be doing a LOT of explaining to the boys over the next few days. I will print off criteria to call me. I’ll program the store’s number in to the house phone under EMERGENCY ONLY. Mike also said that if they cannot get a hold of Mom, to call him ONLY if it’s an emergency. I do think I need to be very, very specific as to what qualifies as an emergency or not.

      I’m glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t believe the whole “It will all work out” mantra. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication to make things work out. I will brainstorm over the next few days and figure it ALL out. I hope.

      Mike keeps reminding me, very politely, “Let’s take these things ONE step at a time!” He said, “you got your first day scheduled. Tuesday: 2-5pm. Let’s worry about that day and that day only. You got your uniform. You got your hours. You got your pay. You worry about that first day and ONLY that first day. We will take the next step as it comes to us. God bless his heart.

  2. Sheri says:

    You don’t need to tell me your source of income – none of my business. It sounds like you’ve done your usual thorough job of working out the details, and you’ve got an excellent man to support your decisions.

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