So, when you have a blank mind – weird! I know! – it makes for a very interesting, possibly epic fail blog post. I don’t know what to blog about, thus the reason of the lack of updates. I’ll piece together some stuff and see where I get. Should we do a list-type styled post? Hmm, that’s always “eye-friendly” I think I shall do that.

• “Work” – I have been “working hard” lately. Well, actually that’s not entirely true. I’ve been working when I feel like it, and occasionally its “hard work”. I’ll write more about it in another entry – It seems to be very popular to write blog entries about being an agent with _kgb.
• Psychologist – So far, so good. I seen him again this week, on Monday. It went well. No major break downs, no major breakthroughs. We were discussing the way I think about things. Everything completed and followed with negativity and a not so positive attitude. We were also discussing how I’m unable to “visualize”. I can’t see the finished product of what I’m working towards. For instance, and our prime example during session was working out… People work out to get to their ideal weight, what they feel as though they’d be comfortable at. They see in their minds that body they want, they work hard to achieve it because they can see what they want. Where as I am unable to see the finished product, so when I say I want to lose 20lbs, I don’t push myself enough to do it because I don’t even know what I’d look like 20lbs less. Hell, I have NO IDEA what the hell I look like in perspective. I don’t know, its hard to explain. He gave me an assignment which was for me to write down my accomplishments. That is a good way to begin the ‘positive thinking’ part of things. Write down what I’ve accomplished every day, EVEN if its something that I feel like everyone else does on a normal basis; if you call that person back, that you said you would, you accomplished a task you said you would…
• State Fair – We went to the fair on Sunday. It was hot, muggy, and just plain yuck! We got to see everything we wanted to see though. Everyone was able to get what they wanted to eat – why go to the fair and NOT eat what you love, right? Well, unless you’re like me, where you think about fair food for weeks prior to going, because I KNOW when I get there, I have NO IDEA what I want. I end up getting nothing because I cannot decide. That was my exact problem this year. I wanted a turkey leg, but it was WAY too hot to eat something so hot, and so big. I had my eyes on a shishkabob – but they only had chicken, I wanted steak. I also thought about polish sausage – $8! Yea, I said that correctly, EIGHT DOLLARS for a freakin’ polish sausage. I THINK NOT.
• Driving – My drivers test is less than two weeks. Mike’s mom works all week this week, so that leaves no opportunities for me to get over there to practice driving this week. I’ll probably get a chance this weekend though. No, not probably – I MUST. I have less than two weeks, and I feel like I still need some practice with a lot. I think I’m going to spend an hour or so practicing parallel parking in his parent’s driveway the next time I’m over there. I MUST get this.
• I’ve been feeling… – It’s almost surreal, but I’ve been feeling “better”. I’m not depressed, and I’m not freaking out. I’m almost happy… Which is almost wrong for me to say, because I haven’t felt this way in a VERY long time and I’m scared if I say it out loud it will all change. I almost don’t want to believe it because it makes me feel like everything I’ve said/done makes me hypocritical. I mean, a few weeks ago, I was at my absolute worse, and now I’m happy again? Things like that don’t “just happen” so what the hell?!

There are a few other things that are worth mentioning but not worth their own little “dot” if you will… I’ve still been working strong on the sweepstakes – I won a $15 best buy gift card this past week, plus some other stuff. I received my coffee maker too! Which is just super. I’ve been working on building a website for one of my sweeper friends. Its a work in progress but I hope I can do what he needs for me to do so I can get paid something. I could use whatever I can get! We’ll see what happens with all that though… I’m not sure what’s going on at this point. ^_^

Should be hanging out with Ali and Tommy this weekend if all plans go together as we hope they well. I’m still trying to get Mike’s mom to watch the boys for us so we can just hang out and catch up.

I got two new cookbooks! I had won two gift cards for Amazon and couldn’t decide what I wanted to buy. Ultimately I ended up buying two cookbooks for cookin’ healthy. I got The Biggest Loser Cookbook and Hungry Girl Recipe Book. Some of the recipes in there looks delicious! I’m attempting to eat/cook healthier!

Anyways… the coming weeks will be extremely busy ones. I have a lot of driving practice to do, I have to go to Nick’s school for registration and their form/fees day. All that jazz. He will be in kindergarten on the 1st! I cannot believe it. I’m nervous, yet excited for him all at the same time. I do think it will definitely be good for us though. Not only will it give him a chance to get out of the house, learn some stuff, get new friends, and all that fun stuff – but it will give me a break. It will give me a chance to go do stuff around the house, or go out to the store without “Can I have this? WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN!?” and all the other meltdowns that occur. I think it will be good for this household, all around.

Funny. I began this entry thinking I wouldn’t have a thing to talk about. I couldn’t think of a single thing to even begin to say – now 1100+ words later, I’ve got an entry to share with you all. I’m going to end this for now. Hopefully I’ll update again soon. Probably with that kgb entry and or I’ll let you all in on my accomplishments.

Filed under: Life with Bipolar ||