Thats how I feel right now — Blah.I went to the doctors office yesterday. We had maybe a 10 minute appointment. The doctor came in, asked how everything was going and all I could say was, “Nothing.” I don’t know what my problem was but I just did not want to answer anything or talk. So I basically said within 10 minutes time that there is nothing going on. I feel movement. As long as I have my meds I’m alright. I asked for a increase on the number of pills I get at a time because I have to go to Walgreens once a week, which is just down right a pain in the ass when I have to ask Mike to take me and then drag Nickolas out. I gained 1lb. Finally! I might be turning around at this point, we will see. The doctor wanted me to start weaning off my meds, which I refuse to do. Not yet, I don’t feel comfortable doing that just yet. One pound gain isn’t enough to suddenly be like “you’re better now go without medication!” Yea, not happening.

I ruined Gwenn’s entire year. No 80s birthday party, no Six Flags (with her, she went without me) no super drunken Halloween Party, and now no Senses Fail concert. Sorry for ruining your life. As you know, Mystery was completely unplanned. Maybe next year, I’ll be able to make it up to you depending on the amount of sitting I am given. I don’t know what else to say. Its freaking hot as hell outside lately. Nickolas has been bored out of his mind so he’s driving me crazy. Mike works all day/night so we don’t get much of a chance to get out and do anything. Needless to say I’m just in a crappy mood. I’m not depressed. I’m especially not pissed off at Mike for his working, he’s doing it for us, and he’s amazing for doing it. I feel so bad for him though. He has one day off to do everything he wants/needs to do that he couldn’t do during the week. Drives him crazy. I don’t know… I don’t have anything else to say right now. Oh yea — Anytime I say “I’m going to do this, at least a few, every single night.” (IE: Glitters) I end up not doing any. I was totally working on shit non-stop and suddenly I’m like MEH and stopped doing it. Its basically because I have to keep Nickolas busy. Setting yourself up on a lap top to make glitters is work in itself, let alone making a lot. When Nick’s not home, I can sit there and crank them out like no other, but when you’re getting up every 5 minutes to do something you tend to sit back down and be like “What is the point of even trying?!” So yea, whatever… I’m just crabby. My laptop cord keeps breaking (this is my second one since Feb. That I’ve broken) because its gay and its a horrible place for it. I miss my desktop but the desk is all broken and we will need to get rid of it because the baby is coming and we need to put the baby somewhere. Thats another thing — WE HAVE NO ROOM in this fucking apartment! I’ll have to take down my entire scrapbook desk and shelving to put the baby’s crib there. *sigh* This crankiness needs to go away.

Filed under: Struggles ||