I have been incredibly busy lately. I started a new website – Frugal Heart and have been working extremely hard on it the past week. I got the layout all done and social networking links up. I started writing content for it which is long winded articles. I know I shouldn’t write the best articles for the first few blogs because no one is ever going to see them but oh well. I have also set up Google Adsense and Amazon Affiliates to it too. I haven’t got any experience using either but I’m going to try. So check it out. Read an article or two. Share! Maybe click an link or two. Thanks in advance.

Ok. Take two of writing this entry… going to do my best to stay focused. My mind is all over the place and I’m having a hard time focusing on anything as of lately.

Attitude

The kids have been giving me a ton of attitude lately. Mikhail is a strong willed, stubborn child. Yesterday was just awful. He woke up and complained the light hurt his eyes so we had to turn off everything and sit in the dark then turn on stuff slowly one by one. Then he decided he wanted to eat breakfast 4 minutes before we had to be on the bus stop so I poured him a tiny bowl and told him to hurry up and eat. Then it was an argument about what gloves he’d wear, what coat he wanted, and which hat was the right one for the day. Once we finally got on the bus stop (on time) he started the whole “I’m not going to school today. Nick got me mad so no school for me” bullshit. In the end, I finally got him on the bus and I came inside and sat down and did very little because I just wanted to relax and unwind because he had me so wound up.

After school was no different except it was Nick that was copping an attitude with me. He walked in the door and demanded that I make him something to eat. When I told him to go in the kitchen and find something he asked if I went shopping. I explained I went minor shopping but didn’t get much. He got angry and said that I never buy him anything at the store. He proceeded to ask for hashbrowns. He just wanted me to fry up a bag of hashbrowns, not with eggs, or sausage, or anything else, just hashbrowns. When I told him no, he proceeded to scream:

“I’m telling the therapist on you! You can’t do that. You can’t starve me. You wonder why I grab extras at school! BECAUSE I CAN’T EAT AT HOME! YOU WON’T COOK ME ANYTHING! YOU CANT’T STARVE ME!”

“ITS JUST STUPID. WHY WOULD YOU STARVE ME? I DON’T WANT CHEX MIX. I AM SICK OF CHEX MIX. I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU BOUGHT ME IT. ITS NOT MY FAVORITE ANYMORE! YOU DIDN’T EVEN ASK ME IF I WANTED IT.”

“YOU LIKE WHAT YOU’RE DOING YOURE A JERK! YOU LIKE THAT!? I’D RATHER LIVE WITH MY DAD. AT LEAST ID BE FED! I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I HAD TO SAY THAT. ITS THE TRUTH THIS IS TORTURE!”

All because I wouldn’t make him freakin’ hashbrowns for a snack… not dinner, a snack. SMDH

So I was super stressed out because of all that. Mikhail came home and he started in on me about how he wanted something to eat and proceeded to eat FOUR pieces of string cheese. Then he ate some nutella. Finally he ate something else too.

By 6:30, I was ready to throw in the towel. I was just down right frustrated. Lynn ended up talking to Nick about taking extras for lunch once again because even though he’s told not to every single day, he does anyway.

Skip ahead a while and Mike came home and sat down and talked to Nick about disrespecting me and how I do everything for you kids and how it’s not right that he talks to me how he talks to me.

Nick got the TV taken away for the night and told he could not go to the school dance tonight as punishment for giving me such a hard time.

Christmas is coming together

That’s right, folks. Christmas is slowly but surely coming together. We managed to get the big ticket items and now we just need to get filler stuff. I won’t say what we’ve gotten just in case little eyes somehow some way come to this site but we got about 4-8 items per child and spent a good penny on the items too. They got one combined gift and some other minor stuff. Nick will probably be disappointed with what he’s getting because there isn’t a lot to it. He is getting PLENTY from Lynn and George and my parents too so I’m not too concerned about it. He says that he will be grateful for whatever he ends up getting because anything will be better than having NOTHING right now.

Mike and I need to discuss how we’re going to deal with is grounding with the new gifts he’s receiving. I mentioned that we allow him to have his tablet back or maybe 1-2 hours a day but Mike basically said we’ll discuss all of this later.

Making money… slowly but surely

I have managed to make roughly $140 in the past two weeks online doing various programs and apps. I write on textbroker.com and get almost $5 an article through there. I have earned $10 through Ibotta – if you sign up and do your first rebate you will earn a free $5 right now. I have earned roughly $8 through Swagbucks.  I also won $100 in gift cards through Twitter Parties. Hooray! Hey all of that little bit adds up and it’s just the way I contribute towards my family while being a stay at home mom

Randomness

I suppose that’s all I really need to write about. I need to get off my fat ass and actually do something around the house. I’ve been incredibly lazy the past few days. I’ve been busting ass entering Twitter parties. Nothing has even really happened that would have normally thrown me off. Kids were in school all week. I don’t know, maybe it’s the weather change. I’ve been sitting in front of the windows with blinds open so the sun just beams in and I soak it in all day. Which is giving me my Vitamin D and hopefully helping my mood.

Yesterday I honestly contemplated leaving the kids home alone for five minutes while I ran to the gas station and pick up a pack of cigarettes. I need a vice. I need something to do that will calm me down. I’d web design or work on my websites and I realized that needs concentration and while it usually preoccupies my mind to not worry about my worries, it just isn’t what I need. I drink two pots of coffee a day which isn’t good for me either. I just cried and cried yesterday because I was just so incredibly frustrated. I don’t know what to do. I have contemplated popping extra Klonopin just to take the edge off my emotions. That’s NOT something I want to get in to the habit of doing though. The last thing I need is to start abusing my medication. I need to find a vise. One that won’t be so self destructive.

I’m going to end this here. I have some stuff I need to get done before the Twitter party starts at noon.

written on at 11:08 am || Filed under: Anxiety, Parenting, Struggles

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