I’m sitting here, the boys are in bed watching their tablets, Mike has gone because it’s Saturday and that’s what he does, and I’m listening to music, with a full belly, bored out of my mind. That was a run-on sentence, but I honestly don’t know how else I’d write it. Whatever, I suck at grammar. Which brings me to the point I just made on Facebook but promptly deleted…

I have absolutely no value

Let me explain myself before you jump down my throat telling me I do have value.

I have no professional level knowledge of anything. I just plain and simply aren’t good at anything on a professional level. I think to myself, OK Nik, you can’t be bad at everything. Name some things you think you’re good at, even just a little bit.

  • coloring
  • web design
  • couponing
  • saving money
  • Twitter parties
  • sweepstakes
  • planner and organizing

Ok, those are things I am kinda good at. However, I am NO where near good at any of those things on a professional level. I’m not good at anything! I cannot make a career on coloring because I am not that good. I’m no where any good at web design or where I could be if I were to be able to go to college like a normal human being. Couponing – meh. Saving money… hardly. Twitter parties, maybe. Sweepstakes, doubtful. Planning and organizing… ok. I’m pretty good at that, but not on a professional level where I could do it as a living.

I suck at everything! Or I suck JUST enough to not be able to make a living doing any of those things. I have no dedication, no passion. Nothing putting a fire under my ass to make me do any of these things successfully.

Why am I so useless and worthless?

I feel so pitiful. I do things just enough to skate by… I am so god damn lazy with everything. That’s my #1 problem. I AM LAZY!

I can’t clean the house right.

I can’t parent the kids right.

I cannot cook a decent meal that everyone will eat right.

I cannot manage a house right.

I cannot hold a career right.

I cannot find a job that will both help and be good for me.

I haven’t done any thing with teaching Nick responsibility so he’s nearly 13 years old and not ready to stay home alone.

I suck.

/ end pity party

written on at 10:07 pm || Filed under: Struggles

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