I am almost all ready to rock and roll with my surgery. I went to see the doctor yesterday who will be doing the surgery for my pre-op appointment. It was pretty laid back.

She explained essentially what we’re doing and how everything worked. She will be cutting me at my belly button and putting a camera in then burning a few inches of my fallopian tubes. She said the failure rate of this surgery is very low because of how much she burns. Chances of getting pregnant are LOW and if I do want to get pregnant, it will cost me approximately $9000 and they’ll have to implant the baby there. With that being said, after getting the Novasure procedure, that isn’t the ‘ideal baby-making environment’ either so I really need to be sure this is what I want. I assured her, there was nothing else I want more.

I explained that I had Mirena and what happened when I had it with the multiple diagnosis that I got after getting it. I also explained while using NuvaRing I feel like crap again too. She basically was like, “So hormonal birth controls just don’t work for you. That pretty much rules out everything there is aside from condoms so I think a tubal is your best bet.”

She then asked if I had an ultrasound done. I explained that I didn’t and she said she really wanted me to get an ultrasound done before having the procedure because she don’t like surprises or to be surprised on the operating table. Hell, can’t argue with that. I wouldn’t want to be surprised with anything either. I go in on Friday for the ultrasound. She said it all should be fine but she doesn’t want to say that she’s going to do the Novasure only to find something while doing the procedure and then not be able to do it. *shrugs* Whatever. So, I go in on Friday for the ultrasound and hopefully there aren’t any surprises or reasons behind why we cannot do the second procedure. I’m a little nervous about it because now that there is a chance that it might not happen the way we want it too now. I’m trying to stay positive and think positively that everything will go the way it’s supposed to go and everything will be green-lighted in the end.

So, I should be finding out by Monday or Tuesday at the latest to whether or not we can do the Novasure procedure. Let me run this by you really quick so there’s no confusion.

  • for sure doing the tubal laparoscopy – no matter what
  • unsure if we’re doing Novasure until after ultrasound (Novasure is to basically burn my uterus walls a few inches in and prevent myself from having periods afterward. Everything will be scarred and a non-friendly baby making environment.)
  • ultrasound will be done on Friday (29th)
  • I should be finding out by Monday or Tuesday (2nd or 3rd) about the ultrasound and if we get the greenlight to do second procedure

Ok. All caught up. So, I’m a little nervous that something is going to come back saying “oh. We can’t do the second procedure because of ___.” Whatever that ___ might be. Like I said, though, and I know I’m repeating myself here, I’m being positive and hoping that everything goes as it normally should and we will be good to go.

So what else?

Not else much has been going on. I still kinda feel shitty. Nuvaring is kicking my ass but the doctor said that it just appears that all hormonal birth controls just simply don’t work properly for me and leave me feeling like crap. I’m not puking anymore so that’s a positive. Woo hoo! 

I have been trying to stay motivated. I don’t know if it’s a mixture of depression on top of being ill from the NuvaRing, or if it’s just lack of motivation. Either way, I feel like I haven’t gotten anything done in the past week. I have been so sick that I haven’t had the energy to do much of anything.

I think it’s a bout of depression on top of it though because I have been having a lot of those symptoms again.

  • worthlessness
  • self deprivation
  • crying (which is very rare for me)
  • not feeling like I’m good enough
  • feeling like a complete failure for everything I do
  • lots of social anxiety
  • etcetera

I haven’t been taking an anti-depressant at all these past few months; I want to believe that once spring and the warmer weather and sun come around to actually being out I’ll grow out of it. I don’t necessarily want to start popping anti-depressants and then just kick myself in to full raging manic mode either. I guess I’ll just let it ride for a few more days and if anything I’ll pop one Wellbutrin instead of my normal prescribed two for a few days and see where that takes me. I know that’s not how those medications work, and I am not technically abusing the meds, I just know my body, and know my medications well enough to know when I can and cannot take certain things. Eh, we’ll see what I figure out to do. I almost want to kick start some mania and get back on track with my chores. *shaking my head* Playing my bipolar disorder like a flute and carefully planning each and every note that comes next.

Signing off…

It was a shorter entry but lately my entries have been shorter. I just wanted to update you myself about what’s going on with everything. I will keep you myself all updated with everything that’s going on. Talk to you later!

written on at 9:04 am || Filed under: Health, Life with Bipolar

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