I have a hard time with acceptance. Let me explain what happened yesterday…

The district manager was in again and it seemed to be a very happy visit. No one was getting ridden harshly about anything they were doing wrong. Everyone seemed to be in good spirits and things were going very well. After roughly 2.5 hours, he left but not without saying goodbye to everyone first, including me. He shook my hand and said, “Keep up the great work!” and was off on his merry way. He said this to one or two other people so it wasn’t so singular this time.

After he left, I did some transactions and tried to do my best. A lady came up and just wasn’t having any of it. I asked for her phone number and she said no. I asked if she was a rewards member, she said no. I asked if she would like to enroll, she said no. I didn’t press the matter any. Well, my manager was right there and decided that transaction was going to be my evaluation for the day. Ok, whatever. So he explained that I should have given a reason why she should sign up. He asked me what are the three perks to signing up. I said, “It’s free. You receive 10% back on all ink, toner, paper, copy & print…” and I got a customer. I ran the customer out and went back to talking to him. I told him I didn’t know the third reason. He said, “You get $2 back on each ink cartridge you recycle!” Oh right. Duh!

He then said something along the lines of You’re awesome. You’re doing an awesome job. I’m impressed by you every day. Keep up the great work and I really hope you realize how awesome you are. I can tell you’re hard on yourself about something but I don’t know what. I explained that I am often hard on myself about the sales aspect of things. I’m not getting the sales. He explained that the goals they write down on the cards are just that, goals. They want us to try to get them, sure. But at the end of the day, as long as I’m trying and asking each customer then that’s all that matters. He reminded me to keep my chin up and recognize that I’m awesome and am doing a fantastic job with my work and to keep it up.

Now, that was huge for me! I got some recognition – not saying I don’t, sometimes I do, not always, but sometimes. So, why am I not gleaming from ear to ear with pride for doing a good job? Because I am still SO critical of myself for what I’m NOT doing instead of what I am doing. I’m being recognized for doing great things not only by my manager but by the district manager. Which is a big deal! So, why am I not allowing myself to accept the good things being said about me? Why can I not recognize my worth?

Maybe I’m looking for excuses or reasons or who knows what because I simply don’t want to be there.

I attempted to talk to Mike about going to my old place of employment and he simply said, “I don’t want to talk to you about this right now.” I didn’t know what to say, so I sat in defeated silence for a few moments and retreated upstairs where I didn’t speak to him for another two or three hours and even at that, it was very few words.

Why is he having such a hard time accepting that I want to go to work at DH? I even explained to him, “I think I’m good enough graces with everyone at OM that IF I’m not hired on at DH, I believe, I would be allowed to go work at OM for a few more months again. This is when he told me he didn’t want to discuss it right then.

I told him, regardless of what he says or does, I’m going back to DH. Here’re my reasons why:

  • I’d be making $11.25 an hour, $2.25 more than what I’m making now
  • I’d be guaranteed my hours 9-3 whichever days I needed to work
  • I know the job, and I know how to do it well
  • I’m comfortable with the job
  • I enjoy the job very much so
  • I loved going to work every single day
  • I earned 19 perfect Quality Assurance assessments in a row during my time working there
  • No dress code or uniform – enough said
  • No face-to-face interaction with customers – No having to plaster a fake smile on my face, only my voice
  • I have excellent customer service and phone etiquette skills

I’d be losing my food benefits I receive. The increase in hours and pay will more than makeup for that, though. I don’t believe I’ll lose my insurance so that’s all good. I have a chance to grow in the company too.

The season ends October 2017. I’d find out then if I were to be hired on ‘full time’ or not. I cannot control what will happen next year. I have no idea what the outcome would be. All I know is I can go in there with a can-do attitude and bust my ass to show them I’m worthwhile and that there is a reason why they hired me twice already. Seasonal or not, I don’t believe people go into jobs thinking, “I’m only going to be working for a few months.” I think they go in there thinking, “I’m going to do the best that I can with what I am given and I’m going to work hard towards the opportunity of getting hired on.”

I don’t know why I feel so passionately about this… I do know I dislike OM and no one accepts my reasons behind why I dislike it. I emailed my old boss at DH and he said, OF COURSE, I REMEMBER YOU! (Obviously, I made an impact, I simply stated my name and I haven’t seen him for over 5 years. So clearly I have made some form of impact on these managers to be memorable.) He told me that the two coaches were getting our email conversation too because they’re the ones hiring. He said, “I REALLY HOPE YOU APPLY!” All good things being said that make be believe getting this job would be EASY PEASY.

Anyway. I cracked my dentures and I have to drop them off at the dentist which is on the other side of town. I hope they’re able to fix them properly without messing them up and I’ve got them back. I get to run there, drop them off, and then run back either today or tomorrow to pick them up again. Ugh. Whatever. As long as they’re fixed. I cannot stand wearing my old ones even though I’ve made it work for the mean time.

Ok. Talk to you all later. My three readers! I love you all. Feel free to comment your opinions on this too.

written on at 8:40 am || Filed under: Struggles

One Response to “Acceptance.”

  1. Sheri says:

    I can’t believe I missed this!! You know how I feel, you need to do what’s best for your both your physical and mental health. I’m happy to see your manager recognizes that you’re doing well, but that’s not enough. I used to have a friend that always said “Do what you gotta do.” Most of the time it annoyed me, because I was asking for advice; but eventually I realized that I had to make decisions based on what I felt was the right thing, not what someone was telling me was right for me.

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